John McCain/Superstitions

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'Throw hat on bed, wooly mammoth make you dead'

Arizona Senator and presumptive president-elect, John McCain owes his great success not to his straight-talking, but to his vast array of charms and amulets he carries on his person at all times.

Unlike, Dennis Kucinich who carries (among other things) a pocket Constitution, Mr. McCain's superstitions are neither ridiculous or irrational. has compiled a list of items Mr. McCain relies on for his great fortune.

McCain's Non-Anti-religious TokensEdit

Other Non-Anti-religious TokensEdit

Fun fact: Most major airlines do not detect these items when temporarily lodged in McCain's rectum.

  • lucky dangly testicles
  • myrrh
  • lucky prison shiv

McCain's Non-Anti-religious BehaviorsEdit

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