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James Patrick Moran Jr. (born May 16, 1945 in Buffalo, New York), sometimes called the "Mike Tyson of the House of Representatives," represents the Eighth District of Virginia, "The Fighting Eighth," in the United States House of Representatives, and has since 1991. He is a Democrat.
The Rise to PowerEdit
Jim Moran grew up in Natick, Massachusetts, near Boston, the cold, black heart of liberal philosophy. He attended the College of the Holy Cross and the University of Pittsburgh, graduating with a masters degree in Public Administration. He was elected to the Alexandria, Virginia, City Council in 1979, and he was its deputy mayor from 1982 to 1984. But like most Democrats, Moran couldn't keep straight the only public interest that matters - saving America from liberals and terrorists - and he was forced to resign after being charged with a misdemeanor conflict of interest. An activist judge later erased the conviction, allowing Moran to run for and be elected mayor of Alexandria in 1985.
The Inner StruggleEditIn 1990, Moran was elected to the House of Representatives as a self-proclaimed "New Democrat" - a Democrat who feels guilty for not being a Republican. In fact, Moran was so ashamed of being a Democrat that in 1998 he was one of 31 House Democrats who voted in favor of launching an impeachment inquiry into the activities of Leader of the Dark Era Bill Clinton. On March 8, 2006, Moran was also one of two people on the House of Representatives Appropriations Committee to vote against an amendment to the $68 billion emergency supplemental funding bill for military actions in Iraq and Afghanistan that would block Dubai World from taking control of American ports, siding with George W. Bush, the greatest president of all time.
But even though Moran is often able to liberate his inner-Republican from his liberal upbringing and Democratic masters, he is not perfect, and he has sided with the enemies of freedom on gay rights, gun control, flag burning, and liberating Iraq. He once even fought with a Republican man who doesn't exist who represented a district which never existed, requiring the intervention of the Capitol Police.
In 2004, shadowy elements within the Democratic Party tried to unseat this could-be Republican and, for the first time since his election in 1990, Jim Moran faced a primary challenger, Andy Rosenberg. After a fight which lasted six rounds, Moran put Rosenberg in a chokehold and forced him to concede the primary election. Moran went on to win the general election later in the year.
Moran only serves on the Appropriations Committee.
Fighting Against TruthinessEdit
But apparently he couldn't stand Colbert's barrage of hard-hitting questions, and so, without warning, he assaulted Colbert, retaining his title as the only Democrat in the United States who doesn't punch like a little school girl.
But Colbert, always the better man, neither fought back nor pressed charges.