Jesus Powers

12,423pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Add New Page Talk3
God Touching Adam
"Jesus Powers"
is Most Beloved by God over all His creations
Now and Forever, Amen.

Sorry, I'm just getting the hang of this.

Jesus powers refers to the many various and wonderful mystical superpowers with which Jesus wields to smite his enemies! Some of these blatantly amazing powers include turning water into wine, wine into gasoline and gasoline back into dinosaurs.

Amongst His Other SuperpowersEdit

  • Making the Red Sea surfable for The Jews
  • Heat vision
  • Making taxes (and tax collectors) cool again
  • Turning Peters into rocks
  • Creating horny girls in order to attract a following at the one true Church
  • Inventing of the color TV in 1953
  • Nucular weapons technology granting
  • Creating America
  • Made of Kryptonite

All of which he was willing to employ for a reasonable price unlike that dirty Hippie Jesus.

Famous Battles With Hippie JesusEdit

Illustrations Of His PowersEdit

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki