Jessica Lynch

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Major Lynch shown in this night-vision photograph as she single-handedly cleared Baghdad

America's first hero on the War on Terror, Jessica Lynch a 5-time winner of the Purple Heart, and a Major in all 5 of the branches of the military (including the Coast Guard) was able to clear Baghdad the first time, all by herself!

After saving everyone under her command, she insisted that The Greatest President Ever award her some more medals.

Not comfortable with politicizing this important conflict, The Greatest President Ever begged Major Lynch to reconsider her demands.

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