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Jessica Alba
Was an Uber Hottie but has committed an act of Hottie Treason!
She has angered Stephen Colbert and made The Baby Jesus cry.
She is banished to Hell to be Martha Stewart's hand maiden.


Jessica Alba
is important enough for FOX to call "news".
Fox Reports, You Believe.

Jessica Alba
es en el menú a
¡Cómo muy afortunado para tú, porque tú está aquí!

Jessica Alba is an American Spicey Latina and critically acknowledged actress who holds the record for most masturbation material hours by boys from the younger part of Generation Y and the older part of Generation Z. She is known for her Oscar-snubbed performance in the film adaptation of Fantastic Four and never not being in a bikini.


Jessica Alba
makes The Baby Jesus sad.
Does your mother know you read these filthy liberal myths?

Jessica was unmarried when she got pregnant, which hurts The Baby Jesus. She is a member of the Hollywood Pregnancy Association. She recently admitted that she does not use birth control or condoms during sex. She married her boyfriend in May 2008, a month before she gave birth, but is still not acceptable in Jesus' eyes. She gave birth to a girl — ironically named "Honor" — on June 8, 2008 at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.


She has yet to be nominated for any acting prizes, but may be in the running for a humanitarian award for her selfless efforts on behalf of Dane Cook's career.

Jessica Alba
is a CELEBRITY! Oh. My. God.
Jessica Alba
is a "Certified Chick!"
You Go Girl!

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