Jeff Swartz

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Jeff Swartz
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process

Mr. Swartz, too cheap to put an "H" in his name

A patronizing, cafeteria-capitalist, who got nailed by Dr. Colbert on November 14, 2006.

Is a self-hating carbon life form.

Is such a lousy CEO, he is unable to dump enough heavy metals into rivers to cause his share of birth defects.

Family BusinessEdit

His family started a corporation in Bahstahn, Taxachusetts of all places, making boots of all things. But since his entire family was made up of gays and tree huggers the bootstraps that normally come with American boots were replaced with food stamps.

The family did, however, practice cafeteria-style capitalism, which is just the parts of American capitalism that don't offend anyone.

Oh, boo-hoo, owls don't have houses any more.

Wah, wah, the local Transexuals' union can't have their 10-minute make-up break!

Get over it!

In the all-American tradition, he never worked a day in his life to earn the position of CEO for his family's business. In the communist tradition, he has sentenced all his employees to community service.

Communist IdealsEdit

Hates Milton Freidman, and the free market. Looks like the unholy loin-fruit of a gay-three-way between, Michael Moore, Charlie Sheen and Gopher from the Love Boat.

Worst of all, he called Stephen a liar. Twice.

But he got nailed fror his discretions.

Hundreds and one times, so there.


His stance on the carbon issue is that he gayly frefuses to pick a side, even during a war. he calls this stance: carbon neutral.

Is clearly in denial because he cannot accept that Stephen nailed him left and right.

His appearance on "The Colbert Report" was a sad display. His communism was no match for Stephen.

Appearance on Stephen's ShowEdit

Dressed very gay, wearing gay glasses, a gay hat (Michael Moore gay) and clearly feared getting nailed.

Breaking NewsEdit

Mr. Swartz was arrested today (Novmeber 16, 2006) after police received a tip that he may have been involved in the untimely death of Dr. Milton Freidman, the noted economist.

The annonymous tip came in just minutes after Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin conducted a radio-three-way to express their outraginess over the death of their hero.

A lawyer for Chad Conrad Castagana sent an email to providing the public reassurances that in no way is Jeff Swartz in any danger of his client.

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