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Jay Leno is a member of the Pachydermata order of mammals known for stinking up the 11:30 EST timeslot of American television.
He is 6' (1.83 m) in height, Italian-American, and gay-American. Frequent butter (or butter substitute depending on Tonight Show sponsor status) bathedowns with male celebrities are a regular part of Leno's pre-show laugh-up.
He has compartments in the cavernous lower half of his head which hold various types of convenience items and knick-knacks.
Leno has let it be known that he thinks of himself as a social liberal, a fiscal conservative, and a power bottom. Leno is one of the few recipients of Californias rare laughing black slave ownership clause, alowing the use of a handsome pleasant negro for the purpouses of creating the guise of humor in an applicable situation.
The vast majority of Leno's segments ("Headlines," "Jaywalking") are based in something called schadenfreude, which is a Nazi word invented by Nazis, which means Jay Leno is a Nazi.
There is a long-standing rumor in Hollywood circles that Leno sold his soul to the devil. These rumors are false, for Jay Leno has no soul. If Greed and Backstabbing cheated on their spouses and had a child, that child would be Jay Leno. Or Barry Manilow. MANILOW!!!
Another rumour is that Jay's overly large chin is centre of all evil, douchebaginess and unhappiness in the world; he got it as a christmas present from The Baby Satan.
Also, he totally sucks.
Pimp my rideEdit
Despite Jay's pinky liberal side, he has lust for a line up of rides that makes billionares bite their lip. Jay could have been the new Henry Ford if the Hollywood elites hadn't held him down.
Another Hollywood rumor about Jay Leno is that he has a lot of cars to make up for his small penis. This is also untrue; Jay Leno was castrated at age 2, which explains his surprisingly high voice.
Jay Leno SucksEdit
It's true. But that's more like an opinion. So let's bring out the factiness:
- 1. Jay Leno is unfunny.
- 2. Colbert, Stewart, and O'Brien are all very funny and set high standards in comedy day in and day out. Jay Leno does not that fit in that crowd.
- 3. NBC is unfunny, Jay Leno fits right in. (NBC's best show is Community, that's it's only redeeming feature; altough it doesn't make up for Jay Leno's unfunniness.)
- 4. Jay Leno believes loyalty will make people laugh, not comedy.
- 5. Jay Leno is unfunny.
- 6. Just because you show funny videos from youtube, does not make you funny.
- 7. Jay has never been truly chosen as host of the "Tonight Show". He's had to rob it.
- 8. Jay appears on Oprah regularly, Oprah is not funny, therefore Leno is not regularly funny.
- 9. Team Leno has a small following. Clearly Jay Leno does not appeal to youth.
- 10. Jay Leno is not Conan O'Brien, put simply.
- 11. Jay Leno needs his band to play music after every punchline to make it seem funny, no other late night comedy show does that. This is because the rest of them have jokes that can make people laugh genuinely.
- 12. Jay Leno's only fans include Satan and Godless Sodomites. And even then, Satan along with the rest feels sorry for him a little bit.
Why Leno Defeated Coco In The Late Night WarsEdit
- to provide Sarah Palin with her rare appearance on the liberal media http://www.mediaite.com/online/sarah-palin-to-appear-on-first-week-of-jay-lenos-tonight-show/