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Chinese'bear'
Hello, Kitty
Hello, Japan
Asian and very good at math.
Animated-gold-yen
01-gold-chi-wealth-abudance
Japan
is a friend of the Asian Economy that brings Wealth and Prosperity to Capitalist Nations
&
The Free Market
American Investors thanks you, Japan


EmpireSymbol

The Flag of The Empire of The Rising Sun
Bow Down to the Empire, Barbarians!

BikerKick

All Asian school girls know martial arts! It’s mandatory!

Clannadfight

No, really! Is true!

Japan is a country in Asia. Actually, it is not in Asia. It is located on a chain of islands just off the coast of East Asia. We are at war with Eastasia. We have always been at war with Eastasia.


What Japan Is/Is NotEdit

A little-known but vital fact is that Japan is not in China. By all rights, it should be—China is so big, and Japan is not—but it isn't. Also, if Japan was added to China, that would just make China even more crowded. It'd be like...a collision of crowded countries. It's important to address here that the Japanese and the Chinese pretty much hate each other, all because of the Koreans. Without the Koreans as the third wheel, Japan and China would be best buddies. In fact, all wars between Japan and China were started over Korea. Damn Korea and its spicy kimchi.

Another quirk is that Japan is really not the apocalyptic land of tens of thousands of tall skyscrapers as seen in every single Japanese anime or manga. That would be China (see: Shanghai). In reality, most buildings in Tokyo are only 3 stories tall, because they need to be earthquake-proof, plus Godzilla keeps toppling them down. This is another source of confusion for people thinking Japan is in China. Japan is also extremely insane, shown by the video clip shown above.

Japan During WWIIEdit

Viral-economic-collapse gurren-lagann 400

“Who The Hell You Think We Are?”

Mickey Invades Japan

Normal Japanese LifeEdit

In Japan, people eat raw fish, rice, seaweed, and crunchy toasted tapeworms. They wear kimonos (basically dresses), loincloths (basically diapers), and straw hats (basically umbrellas). Their alphabet is a bunch of squiggly lines, making it virtually impossible for Westerners to understand what the hell they are trying to say in their writing.

The Godzilla ThreatEdit

Godzilla, one of the biggest haters of freedom of all time, has destroyed Tokyo on a number of occasions. He has posed as a defender of Japan, but will turn on them in a second because of his socialist agenda. When he tried destroying New York, the media exposed him as a transgender she-man. To prove how tough Americans are, we stopped Godzilla's rampage with Ferris Bueller.

Is Godzilla on the Payroll of the Yakuza?Edit

According with sources the Yakuza controls 90% of the construction and building industry and 75% of the Real Estate Market. Now I am not saying that the Yakuza from time to time pays off Godzilla to bring reckoning and destruction on the Japanese, but have you notice that Godzilla has been driving around Monster Island in his Pimpmobile?

Japan's YouthEdit

The Yakuza Girl

Japanese School Girls must carry guns all times to fight off perverted Tentacle Monsters…

S haruhi

Haruhi Suzumiya, New Empress of Japan and Otaku Goddess

Bossu250hm4

Da New Bossu

It is a known fact that the japanese as a whole are oblivious. They do not notice groups of teenagers transforming into gay outfits, and giant monsters attacking. Most scientists belive this is due to the fact that 99.9 percent of its population own cellphones and are rotting their own and each other's brains.

Japanese CultureEdit

Japanese Hottest boy band04:12

Japanese Hottest boy band

Japan is also the home of imitation boy bands.

Japan's main export is animated porn, or hentai

For some reason, everyone in North America loves Japan because they love to read manga. (written by Japanese people who have nothing better to do) Manga is a fancy word for drawings of idiotic people, all with bad hair fighting like a ninja, jumping in and out of trees plastered on extremly small pages. Oh yeah, it's in black and white, only because Japanese people have not yet discovered COLOUR PRINTING.

The capital of Japan is Tokyo, which is fourth to New York City, Los Angeles, and Chicago (made in the U.S.A.) as the biggest city ever. So suck it, Tokyo!

Killing oneself is also very popular among ethnic Japanese citizens, they call this "Harry Carey", and it is considered essential to everyday life in Japan. It involves standing on a bullet train, and juggling 5 baseballs while reciting haiku, if the suicide participant survives this, or drops a ball, they bring shame and dishonor upon their family. The only way to right the shame is by beating all 300 levels of Dance Dance Revolution and die in the process, and if they fail this, they are deported to Korea.

The Japanese are also known for their love of American cars. For some odd reason, they've decided to call it bosozoku. This odd hobby consists of adding tentacle-like fins on a perfectly street-legal automobile, thus rendering it functional only for hentai racing.

Hellokittytampons

…don’t ask…

Those Weird InventionsEdit

Caption

The Japanese have a tradition called "chindogu" which roughly translates into "useless invention". They also have no color printing, which explains why manga is printed in black and white.

Civil WarEdit

As of 2007, the civil war occurring in Japan for 60 years had ended. It is not very popular here in the West, so it is not well known or understood, and therefore is irrelevant. But, after World War II, we had kicked the ass single handedly of the entire Axis, and we called dibs on Japan. We then made complete pussies out of the Japanese, by taking away all there dashi and used panties, and said they couldn't have any guns and must be this tall to ride. Japan, heartbroken (as if they had souls) ran into the mountains, crying like pussies. This is when King of the Samurai, Asian Mr. Pickles made a phone call to the all-knowing Papa Bear, and begged him (like a pussy) to save his nation from freedom hating, liberal, BEAR LOVING ninjas. Papa Bear as loving and caring as he is, was reluctant to help the soulless degenerates that plagued the island. But after receiving a holy vision from The Baby Jesus, decided to give it a try. There, he brought God to the Godless sodomites, and led a holy crusade against the Saddam Hussein led Ninjan Army. In 2007, Papa Bear and The Greatest Country On Earth finally won the civil war, by executing that asshole, thus ending the civil war with another ass whipping of Japan.

Samurai-stormtrooper

Japan’s military may be more technologically advance than ours… but…! seriously I got nothing…

Japanese MedicineEdit

Sexyasiannurse

Their medicine may taste funny and bitter… but their nurses are HAWT!

Almost every aspect of Japanese medicine is more or less modern, except when it comes to the autopsy. Japanese autopsies consist of reviewing photographs, since everyone in Japan has a camera.

Japan's health care is controlled by the Yakuza and we have clear evidence that soon they will control America's health care the new Socialist system known as "Socialized Medicine" (aka as Public Option). I for one welcome our samurai-sword wielding Yakuza overlords. Yakuza, do your worst! I am not afraid!

Martial ArtsEdit

Japan has lots of Martial Arts Masters, just like China, Korea, and other Asian countries, the Japanese people are all Martial Art Experts (well, most of them. The rest are just too weak or too busy being sexual perverts to bother with it...)

Some people just never learn…
Tomoyo is a Martial Arts Master…


Japanese BearsEdit

Clannadbear

A Japanese Bearrorist with his date…

Japan has two kinds of Bears, the bearrorist, and the Pedobear. It is said that the Japanese Bearrorist is afraid of zombies... and the Pedobear is just intersted in lolies...

Fuko does the Thriller V200:20

Fuko does the Thriller V2

Japanese Bears are afraid of Zombies!
Clannad - Rezombie òÓ00:23

Clannad - Rezombie òÓ

Remember, use your "Rezombie" powah!
Kobayashi vs Giant Bear04:38

Kobayashi vs Giant Bear

Japan Training Their Bear Warriors


Japanese FoodEdit

Bananabread

Japan’s idea of a Banana Bread… no wonder their people are skinny, they are lousy cooks!

Japanese food, like any other Asian countries, is soooo weird... I mean octopus flavored ice cream? Chocolate flavored tea?... Eel flavored candy???...

Sanae's bread + Akiko's jam = WMD
Strawberry Jam01:37

Strawberry Jam

Jam of Death




















JapaneseHarpoonWhale

Can I has Japanese whaleburger?

The Japanese love seafood so much, they practically live in the ocean. They will eat anything that used to swim:

Tentaclelove

Seriously, they love sea food so much that is borderline erotic… and weird…

  • fish
  • squid
  • whales (see photo at right)
  • Aquaman
  • Seamen
  • Fur Seal Penis (an Ainu delicacy, with uses similar to viagra)

The Japan Self Defense ForceEdit

Jsdfanime

Dont ask, just dont ask...

NavyEdit

Japan Maritime Self Defense Force "Dance"00:15

Japan Maritime Self Defense Force "Dance"

Join the Navy, because Japan doesnt have DADT

ArmyEdit

Armyanime

Typical army recruiter

AirforceEdit

Ace-combat-03

War is serious business

MechaEdit

Bandgundam mecha

Admit it, you want to join too

Fuwa Fuwa Time, M#therf%ck@rs!

K-ON: Gundam 00!! -- After the deaths of the entire Gundam 00 team, Veda activates the other branches of Celetial Being and does a global database matching of suitable replacement pilots and support staff. With a few emails and manipulation of the school results database, Veda arranges the candidates to the same school, one set up by Schenberg decades ago.

The dossier:

  • Hirasawa Yui – Unlimited untapped potential. Capable of picking up skills at superhuman rates. DNA matching to innovator transformation 100%
  • Akiyama Mio – Phobias of public attention and supernatural events, however calm and even headed. Team player with extreme levels of intellect.
  • Tainaka Ritsu – Outwardly rash and gungho, however excellent eye/hand coordination possibly from obsessive computer game playing and high levels of mental reflexes
  • Kotobuki Tsumugi – Innovade child placed under care of the CEO of a Celestial Being shell company Kotobuki Corp. Was to be a bakcup to Tieria but as probabilities of actual activation was below threshold levels, was never briefed and awakened to full Innovade status
  • Nakano Azusa – Half sister to Soma Peiris. DNA analysis indicated untapped super soldier potential. Personality exhibits high levels of discipline and determination similar to her half sister.

Celetial Being staff online at school

Azusa general

General Azunyan

  • Yamanaka Sawako – New chief of operations. Initially rose to head of Celestial Being covert branch in the AEU after graduation from the same school. Assigned role as new teacher to oversee operation. Accomplished actress and musician
  • Sokabe Megumi – Current head of operations, to be transferred to the HRL after “graduation”. Will stay for a year as operations transfer to Sawako. Current role as head of the student council.
  • Manabe Nodoka – Innovade executing directive X-12A. Not aware of current operations as directive does not require knowledge of operation.

As so begins episode 1 of Gundam!!

Magical Girl UnitEdit

Cat Shit OneEdit

"Top Sekret: Classified"

Hello Kitty Shit OneEdit

Kitty40k

Japan's most dangerous unit

Godzilla UnitEdit

75892624

General Godzilla ready to defend Japan

TransportationEdit

Railway SystemEdit

Railway operations are under the authority of Nehime and Rakan, two baby monkeys that are stealing jubs from hard working cats.

SumoEdit

Because of international pressure from foreign barbarians, the traditional sport of sumo wrestling has been turned into a girlie sport.

Japan's TechnologyEdit

Transformer00:30

Transformer

they have one in every office

Japanese RobotsEdit

Japan creates their first Robot-master

Oh, crap... we are doom!!! They have sexbots now!!!

Double Crap!! They now have a Japanese Terminator: The Japanator!!

NOW THEY HAVE TRANSFORMERS FOR REALZ!!!!

Forget Real Women! This one at least listens to commands!
The Perfect Wife: Absolute obedience, always young and healthy, never eats, and you can turn her on whenever you want!
CEATEC The HRP-4C robot sings a song with Yamaha's Vocaloid01:50

CEATEC The HRP-4C robot sings a song with Yamaha's Vocaloid

The Perfect Pop Idol: She can sing forever, doesnt need money, and she never smokes, drinks, do drugs or get pregnant! And she cant go insane as long as her AI is protected with anti-mentalbreakdown 2.1!

External TubesEdit

Japan’s Newest TV Show…
Ichigo Mashimaro - Nya scene04:25

Ichigo Mashimaro - Nya scene

Japan's Ultimate Weapon: WMD
(Weapon of Moe Destruction)
Chainsaw katana

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