James Taylor
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process
"James Taylor"
is hippie-related, and not groovy to The Baby Jesus.
Don't Fake the Funk!
Rush says James Taylor
is shamelessly boogie-worthy.

Ernst James Vernon Otto "Atomic Sex Machine" Taylor (born March 12, 1948) is a prolific American singer-songwriter born in Cairo, Egypt (later renamed Boston, MA). Taylor is a five-time Grammy Award winner, former host of the Trinity Broadcast Network game show "Pants-Off Dance-Off" and inductee of five Halls of Fame:

  • Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame, 2000 (Cleveland, OH)
  • International Eyebrow Hall of Fame, 1996 (Brezhnyev, Russia)
  • Robot Hall of Fame, 1988 (Pittsburgh, PA)
  • The 1970's Hall of Fame, 1971 (Funkytown, USA)
  • Free-Range Poultry Farming and Acupuncture Hall of Fame (Benanjerry, VT)

Taylor, the self-proclaimed "Father of Emo", achieved his major breakthrough in 1970 with the top ten single "Fire and Rain" and had his first #1 hit the following year with "You've Got a Friend (with Benefits)," a recording of a song written by Taylor's "friend with benefits" Carole King. King said of Taylor, "His penis may curve to the left, but my lips curve to the right, if you know what I mean. He made the Earth move under my- wait, is that thing on? You're not recording this, right? Sweet Jesus, you are! Gimme that! Come back you [unintelligible]"

His 1977 album Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's James Taylor sold over 12 million copies in the United States. And some in Iceland. His follow-up album, Xanadu, was less successful.

In 1972 Taylor married fellow singer-songwriter Carly Simon after a long courtship that began when Taylor laid eyes on the cover of Simon's 1972 album No Secrets. Seriously, do yourself a favor and do a search for that album cover. If you're an American male around 50 years old, this image is burned into your mind forever. You know what I mean. Did you see it? Am I right?

Taylor and Simon had two children, Sarah "Silly Sally Sailor" Taylor, born January 7, 1974, and Benjamin Simon "Benjamin Simon" Taylor, born January 22, 1977. Both have exhibited some of the talents of their parents (singing, male pattern baldness). The couple has since divorced. She got the good silverware, he got the couch from IKEA.

On May 29, 2009, Taylor performed on the final Tonight Show with Jay Leno, a black stain from which his career is unlikely to recover. He was the final musician to appear in Leno's original 17-year run. His performance of "Me So Horny" on the host's desk brought Leno to tears, and is remembered as one of the most touching moments in television history.

On September 8, 2009 Taylor made an appearance at the twenty-fourth season premiere of The Oprah Winfrey Show, and was severely injured when Winfrey gave Taylor away to her studio audience.

Taylor has sung the national anthems of many countries at sporting events around the world, most recently on January 1, 2010, singing the American national anthem (Baby Got Back/My Milkshake medley) at the NHL Winter Classic on an ice floe somewhere in the North Atlantic. Previously Taylor has sung anthems for Sweden ("Dancing Queen"), Japan ("Mr. Roboto") and, famously appearing at the opening of the 2010 Beijing Olympics to perform a solemn a capella version the Chinese National Anthem "Have Fun Tonight (Wang Chung)".

In March 2010 he embarked on his "I Need Some Money (The Electric Bill's Past Due)" tour. He played shows in Australia, Wyoming, Japan, Canada, South America and North America, with the final night being at the Super Bowl, in Dallas, TX on February 5, 2011. The tour was a major commercial success, and in some locations found Taylor playing bar and bat mitzfahs instead of parking lots. His performance at Super Bowl XLV is reknown for being interupted by police who insisted that the Arby's drive-through lane was not, as Taylor insisted, Super Bowl XLV in Dallas, TX. Nevertheless, it was one of the most successful tours of the year, as it ended with curly fries.

September 30, 2008 NailingEdit


  • Performance:


  • just released an album of cover songs, in honor, Dr. Colbert will ask him questions from Wolf Blitzer
  • wore a coat and tie
    • looks almost respectable
    • could be mistaken for someone with a job
  • both lost an Emmy to Don Rickles
  • both from a Carolina
  • his album, Covers, first sold on QVC
    • selling the same as luggage
  • he is considered mellow
    • no pyrotechnics in his stage show
  • quoted Junior Walker
    • broke into song ("(I'm a) Road Runner")
    • and pulled out a harmonica
  • an invisible band accompanied him
  • Dr. Colbert danced gravitasly in his chair

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