James Guckert

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Helen Thomas
James Guckert
Belongs to The Vast Left-Wing Media Conspiracy
James Guckert

This one's about to take a girlish sip of some fruity wine cooler.

Jeff Gannon2

This one's about to take a manly gulp of America's whiskey, Jack Daniels.

James Guckert was a gay man who impersonated Press Corps correspondent, Jeff Gannon. Guckert is believed to have been handpicked from the gay military by the Velvet Mafia to be groomed to replace Gannon, thus achieving the goal of stifling any rational line of questioning to the Press Secretary of President Bush and finally having all Press Corps correspondents pushing the gay agenda as well as liberal ideals.

Gannon, being the crackerjack investigative journalist that he is, uncovered the insidious plot and confronted Guckert with the evidence in a bathhouse hoping to catch Guckert unawares. Fisticuffs ensued and by the time the mist of sweat and scented oils settled, only Gannon was left alive. Jeff called on his B.F.F. Scott McClellan to help him get rid of the body. Scott, being the legal savant of the two, readily agreed as he knew Jeff would never get a fair trial because the influx of all the activist judges ruled out any such respect for the nation’s legal system.

Once the Velvet Mafia learned of their operatives’ demise, being the cunning deceivers that they are, they erased James Guckert from every database and record in America and replaced it with Jeff Gannon's information. The Velvet Mafia also had their other operatives in the Press Corp "discover" the "evidence" indicating that Jeff Gannon and James Guckert was the same person. Some such evidence was the fraudulent links between Jeff and a few gay websites and gay escort services.

Even in death, James Guckert was able to achieve the goal of discrediting the only truly credible voice in the Press Corp and it wasn't long after that Jeff left the Corp and Scott McClellan resigned.

It's been said that an additional Doppelgänger exists of Guckert himself, this one known as John Gogurt. It's not clear at this point who's side he's playing for, in any number of arenas (the brown side being the most likely) but a delicious variety of fruit flavors seem to be his M.O..

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