James Bond

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Dead bear
James Bond
is a member of the Bear Hunters of America.
Be Scared, Bears.
Austin Powers
Does James Bond
make you horny, baby?

James Bond
is Very Manly™.
James Bond
Is a former CIA Employee of the Month!
Keep up the good work!
James Bond
is a Truthiness Crusader!
James Bond is a Secret Republican.
But I'll Never Tell!

James Bond 007 (the number refers to the most women he has slept with at one time) is an American secret agent working undercover as a British secret agent, because the British are too weak to take care of themselves. He is clearly not British because obviously only an American could have balls as big as Bond's. The only person who rivals Bond in terms of sheer manliness is Stephen Colbert. Bond has had almost as many girlfriends as Tek Jansen (almost). Oh, and we think he might be Indiana Jones' father (further proof Bond is American).

In movies based on his life, Bond has been played by actors Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig. All of the events in these movies really happened, except for A View to a Kill, which was produced by Bears and Michael Moore to make Bond appear to be a wuss. It has recently been revealed that Bears were also secretly behind both Timothy Dalton movies, and the unofficial movie Never Say Never Again. Those particular Bears will never again be a problem, however, as Bond has killed all of them and everyone they ever had contact with.

007's nemesis is the evil Ernst Blofeld, who is actually Michael Moore in disguise. He runs the evil SPECTRE organization (The spelling is a weird British misspelling of NAMBLA. It is written in British as part of a pathetic attempt to make Bond appear British, which he obviously is not, given the size of his balls). Blofeld/Moore is also a well-known breeder of Persian cats. SPECTRE is responsible for all non-Bear related crime in the entire world, as well as Communism. Al Franken is one of the top agents of SPECTRE. The only reason Bond does not kill Blofeld and destroy SPECTRE is that without a nemesis he would have too much free time, which would cause him run out of women to have sex with.

Bond has also tangled with the USSR's SMERSH, smert shpionam or death to spies.

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