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Bob marley2

Rastaman are easy to spot, their matted knappy hairstyle (called "dreadlocks") and a marijuana cigarette (called a "spliff") perpetually burning in their hand.

Jamaica map
Jamaican Flag
Jamaica flag
Capitol: Kingston Margaritaville
Official Languages: Bootleg American, Mon
Leader: King Ziggy Marley I and The Wailers
Spiritual Leader: Haile Selassie
National Anthem: "Pass the Dutchie pon the Left Han' Side"
Population: 90% Tourist
10% Rastafarian
Climate: Perfect for growing Ganja
National Beverage: Red Stripe Beer
Principal imports: Tourists
Principal exports: Ganja, Jamaican Gangsters, Rum, Reggae music, Bob Marley, hungover and sunburned tourists.
Principal industries: Growing weed, robbing tourists
Most famous for: Weed, Reggae, Weed
Fun Fact #1
Fun Fact #2

Jamaica: (Pronounced "Jamaica mon") Is a small island nation somwhere in the ocean. It used to be part of Africa (if it existed). It is inhabited entirely by Stephen Colberts Black Friends who aren't really black, they are an Elite commando group called Rastafarians.

DramaticQuestionMark Did you know...

Jamaicans mave more THC in their blood than blood?


Sometime in Professor Peabody's Way-Back Machine the Rastafarians, led by Haile Selassie voted to seceed from Africa and all the really black people. With the help of the friendly Dutch East India Trading Company they broke off a big chunk of land and paddled it towards The Greatest Country In The World.

Unfourtunately they struck a reefer near Cuba, and were too stoned to paddle on. Not long after, while all the Jamaicans were high on Ganja the British took them over and stole all their sacred weed. This really pissed off Rasta King Bob Marley the First, so in 1865 the Rastafarians rebelled kicking the skinny assed British all the way back to Picadilly Square. Some of the British were kept on as slaves to roll their "spliffs" (marijuana cigarettes that resemble baseball bats, only bigger). Or Cricket Wickets?

Jamaica TodayEdit

Jamaica is a Monarchy, now ruled by Rasta King Ziggy Marley the First and his High Counsel, "The Wailers." (King Ziggy succeeded his father King Bob IX after a tragic looting incident in Princeville, Jamaica, May 11, 1981.

A Typical Day In JamaicaEdit

  • Get stoned
  • Go looting
  • Sleep on beach
    • Repeat

Jamaican IndustriesEdit

  • Growing weed
  • Robbing tourists
  • Reggae Music
  • Growing coffee to hide the weed from the DEA.

The Jamaican LanguageEdit

Just like American, except you fill your mouth with weed and jerk chicken, then say "Mon" at the end of every sentence.

Fun Jamaica FactsEdit

  • To honor their fallen enemy, the British, they drive on the wrong side of the road, and have bad teeth.

Jamaican Do's And Don'tsEdit

Do Not:Edit

  • Crash that "quaint" Voo-Doo Party in the jungle behind your hotel.
  • Believe the nice lady when she says, "Noooo Mon, da jerk chick, she no-ah spiceee Mon!"
  • Trust the cab driver when he offers a "Shortcut tru da jungle, Mon..."
  • Give Baron Samedi a ride.
  • Be sober at anytime


  • Stay at Hedonism and poach all the skinny little Frenchman's hot girlfriends and defile them in the hot tub.

See AlsoEdit

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