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is too drunk to drive itself home...
must be Irish.


  • An Irish person is anyone who has a drinking problem, even if they are not of Irish background. True Irish people are thought to be fictional. However the answer to their existence is at the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels.
  • Irish people planned world domination by investing America ! American Irish-catchers stopped them, well most of them... (The Irish Plague)
  • People from Ireland bleed Guinness. If angry, (bascally, meaning if "awake") avoid at all costs, unless you enjoy getting your ass kicked.
  • In the movie "Braveheart," Mel Gibson described the Irish: "They're 7 feet tall, shoot fire from their eyes and lightning from their ass."
  • Superman was another famous Irishman. Think about it, he came from a green planet. The Green Lantern... Irish? I think so! Little Green men from mars? Maybe they saw the Irish and decided to disguise themselves so their enemies would think they were distant Irishmen and run away in terror... the world may never know.
  • The term "Irish" and "Leprechaun" are inter-changable.
  • To get into an Irishman's house just knock and claim you're the potato delieveryman.
  • The most famous Irishman in the last 10 years was once Sammy O'Leary The most famous Irishman alive today is Shaquille O'Neal.

Identifying CharacteristicsEdit

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This photograph of the young women is actually in Webster's Dictionary next to the definition of Irish!

  • usually dressed in Kelly green
  • sober as a Catholic preist
  • they all have red hair
  • pasty skin and freckles
  • they love cabbage
  • they like to drink tea and play chess
  • they like to eat potatos (especially Chris Matthews)
  • favored weapon is a sharp wit
  • They are from Ireland
  • not English no matter what the scientists say.
  • and as the Scottish comedian Danny Bhoy clearly points out the Irish have a completely different accent than the Scots and the Brits (when they talk it sounds like the Queen). When the Irish talk - take note - it sounds like "Diddly-dee POTATOS!!!!!"

See AlsoEdit

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