Identity Theft

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Identity Theft
makes The Baby Jesus sad.
Does your mother know you read these filthy liberal myths?

Identity theft (or IT) is a popular crime that is sweeping through America.


Darrel P. is an IT victim. He has unfortunately spoken like a Valley Girl ever since.

How Bad Is It, Really?Edit

IT is much deeper than just a person stealing another persons financial control for their own use. It has been exemplified in recent that commercials, that professional identity thieves can force their victims to speak like them about the crime in a humorously ironic monologue.

Stephen's Tips To Avoid ITEdit

  • Hundreds and Hundreds of credit cards- Use only each card for one transaction. That way when there is more than one transaction on your card, you can prove that it wasnt you.
  • Type in a different way you normally would- It may seem superfluous, but Colbert recommends typing differently every time. Type with only your left hand and at times it is appropriate to slap the keyboard randomly while typing your emails. It may make the emails take longer to type, but its the price paid for being safe.
  • No friends- its best to have nothing familiar, thus avoid all friends and family in order to avert these identity thieving predators.
  • Get a new name- Legally change your first and last name at least bi-monthly to stay off of these theives radar. A creative variation of this is change your name to one that no one would dare steal, such as "Ass Wipé".
Dave h.

Hasselhoff was an IT victim in 2005.

  • Don't be like David Hasselhoff- it is unwise to allow people to take pictures of you holding up your credit card with all of your information showing. It also unwise to actually smile while being so ignorant.

Other Famous People Whose Identities Have Been StolenEdit

External TubesEdit

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