Baby Jesus
The Baby Jesus and The Baby Satan
are fighting over the very soul of
Colbert tape

This is about as close to God's image as you can get

A human is a divine creation of God, placed upon the Earth to do his bidding. Humans are modeled to a varying degree on His Own Image. Some humans, like white, Right-Wing Christian Americans are closest to appearance to God. Others like liberals, Arabs, the gays, and French people fall some way short of being in God's image.

Different types of human Edit


Men are your standard model humans


Women are similar, but have big triangular stomachs

Humans come in two models: males, and females. Not surprisingly, males came first, thanks to Adam. God then created Eve from his spare rib, to prevent him from succumbing to masturbation. Real men and wanna-be men both find the latter are more appealing. Meanwhile, most woman and the gays both prefer the company of men.

Evolution of the God-less heathens Edit

Some factanistas argue humans evolved from monkeys through random chance and without the assistance of Our Almighty Father. This is wrong and makes the Baby Jesus cry. Any Bible-edumacated, God-fearing Kentuckian knows, thanks to intelligent design, that humans roamed the Earth during the time of dinosaurs.

DNA (Do Not Accept) Edit

Braniacs think all living things are filled with tiny bits of string called DNA. They say our DNA indicates 95% of us is monkey. This is WRONG! If we had that much monkey in us we'd all be truthiness monkeys. But some people are liberals. Also, according to this DNA theory 100% of us is Arab. But Americans don't wear towels on their head and blow things up (except when we're hunting!). Nixo facto, this DNA theory is nonsense.

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