ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
Horse Racing
is a Certified, Bonafide American Treasure™


After a race in which he finished dead last, Big Brown is NOT being choked by his owner.

Horse Racing is a real American sport watched by Real Americans. It is no coincidence that for this reason, horse racing is called "The Sport Of Kings". Horse Racing, like NASCAR is one of the few remaining sports still rooted in traditional American values; it is a sport that has remained uncorrupted by "urban influences" The purpose of this sport is for horses to run around with a midget (usually a Mexican) strapped to their backs, and make money for those who bet on them. Like in all sports, injuries sometimes occur. However, instead of rehabbing like in other sports, man has found it easier, and more cost effective to just start over with a new horse.

Martyrs for Capitalism

Horses love to race to make people money, even more than they like carrots and oats. Horses are so committed to running around and making people money, they train their whole lives to do so. Some horses are so brave that they give their lives in service to the sport. Their sacrifice never goes in vain. Even in death, their participation "spurs", or pulls the strings of the gambling economy.


Like our troops, fire fighters, and teachers professional athletes, these horses who have given their lives in service of the sport should be considered heroes (especially to those who bet on them). Even moments before her death, Eight Belles was only concerned about those who placed bets on her. By finishing second in the 2008 Kentucky Derby, she had a putout of $10.60 on a $2.00 bet.

Horse Racing "Controversy"


No complaints here, this horse shows off his extremely healthy teeth and gums.

This grand sport has recently come under some fire for the supposed mistreatment of their race horses. However, the simple truth is that, these horses are specifically bread to run in races. And without racing, these horses would not exist. These horses should stop their belly aching, and be happy to just be alive. Or better yet, the horses should be counting their lucky stars that are not currently en route to the glue factory.

Inhumane treatment

Those in the PETA crowd often point to the alleged "inhumane" treatment of the racing horses. How can one be treated inhumanly when they are a horse? PETA should at least get their terms right.

Semantics aside, these horses are treated very well.

Think of The Positive(s)

American Association of Equine Practitioners came up with the number that says only 1.6 horses per 1000 races breakdown (and then sent to the violin bow factory). With around 1,500 races run daily in the United States, that comes to be around only two horses a day, every day. If only we had that type if luck in Iraq.

In conclusion, if one goes to a horse race, there is a 99.8% chance that they would not see a horse collapse under its own weight and have to be killed on the racetrack.

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