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Home School is the most important institution in America today.
When America was first founded as a Christian nation, home schools were plentiful, even in the darkest parts of liberal Europe. But as the Age Of Enlightenment spread its poisonous liberal tentacles throughout America's Planet, home schools were replaced with public schools and the field of education became very gay.
By the mid-20th century, home schooling in America had atrophied, so only not only could the Very Best American families participate, but also the unwashed, stinking masses. Ones even not Christians. Leaving the once Pure and Christian beacon of hope for the whole of mankind rudderless and empty without the guidance that The Word of God had previously shone upon it.
Origin Of Home SchoolingEdit
In the 1600s, Godly parents responded to the righteous fear of anyone and everything outside their window by forbidding their children to leave the house. These pioneers then created the home school by swatting the little buggers hard with the Bible.
Benefits Of Home Schooling Over Public SchoolingEdit
- Home-schooled children learn all they need to know about the world without having to interact with the world.
- Parents get to control what their children learn and teach them what makes the baby Jesus happy.
- You can dress them funny & make fun of them all by yourself.
- The Truly Right-geous don't have to teach "sex education".
- Their offspring won't meet non-family sexual predators until they're let out of the house.
- The only other place they have to go is Church, where adults must be able to see their hands at all times.
Essentials For A Successful Home SchoolEdit
Regularly watching "The Colbert Report" with your children Tues-Friday mornings. If you start early enough, they will be too young to stay up until midnight. When they're older, they need to watch it again, anyway.
A class on "The Importance of Truthiness in College Essays and Resumes". Start it in 1st grade.
Ensuring The Resurrection Of Homeschooling In AmericaEdit
What would Jesus learn? Let your children find out by sending them to Jesus Camp. Just make sure it's a camp they don't like too much; the little darlings will plead for interaction with children who go to public schools. Make certain the camp has a strong emphasis on burning in Hell for not obeying their parents (through whom the Holy wisdom of Stephen Colbert flows).
Invite other parents into your home to see how polite & docile your children are. Explain to them how Homeschooling allows them to control their child's every move. Appeal to their fiscally conservative side by pointing out they won't have to pay for field trips, baseball uniforms, or new shoes. Before they come, make sure you threaten your children with Eternal Damnation if they step out of line. If they behave, reward the little darlings with their dinner.