Fandom

Wikiality

Hogwarts

12,424pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

PocketProtector
NerdDie12
"Hogwarts"
Is an essential component of
Wikiality.com's Internets Tube for Nerds
FANTASIES

WEEKEND WITH DR. HOUSE

DUET WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

ASTRONAUT LICENSE


COLMES IN GITMO

ATTEND HOGWARTS

GOLF WITH NIXON

HUNT MAN

WRESTLE MANILOW

LEATHER PANTS

TRY APPLETINI

BABY CARROTS



Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is the name of the school that Harry Potter and his little witch and wizard friends attend. It is a carefree place full of mischief and mayhem, plus the occasional murder.

Hogwarts TeachersEdit

Most of the Hogwarts teachers are firm, but fair, with the exception of the nasty, but mysteriously alluring, Professor Snape. Headmaster Dumbledore is an amusingly wise old codger who loves candy and always has a twinkle in his eye. Hagrid, the groundskeeper, is a half-giant semi-retardate who talks funny.

Hogwarts CustomsEdit

When new students arrive at Hogwarts, they are sorted into four different "houses" which function sort of like mini-fraternities. The children live in their "house" wings, go to classes with their "house" groups, play on "house" teams, eat at their "house" tables, etc. The development of "house" loyalties seems to serve as a kind of surrogate for the fact that none of their witch and wizard parents love them enough to do what good parents ought to do: lock their children up in their real "houses" and homeschool them. Instead, the Hogwarts students are shipped off to live in a drafty old castle where they do nothing but learn, play, and snog all day long.

To keep in touch with their distant, "hands off" British parents, the Hogwarts children send "post" by owls ("post" is British for "mail" - another thing they don't have there is proper English.) The children eat huge meals in a common dining room, often stuffing their faces with course upon course of dessert, but because these are books and because they live in a world of "magic," they do not have the typical British dentistry that one would expect as a result of this diet.

Instead of baseball or football or even (God forbid) soccer, the sport played at Hogwarts is called Quidditch. It's sort of like flying basketball, and Harry is the absolute best at it.

In addition to Quidditch, snogging, how to keep a stiff upper lip, and poor eating habits, the children at Hogwarts learn spells, charms, herbology, care of magical creatures, and many more magical things.

Hogwarts Is TopsEdit

Even with Slytherin berks like Draco Malfoy running around, thinking they're so great and trying to ruin everything (honestly, who does he bloody think he blinking well is?), everyone at Hogwarts has an a smashing, brilliant time. There's no end to the fun, what with the magic, the food, the Quidditch, and the snogging. Plus, no parents around to tell you what's what, jolly good, ho?!

That's why one of Stephen Colbert's fantasies is to "Attend Hogwarts."

See AlsoEdit


Note: We at Wikiality.com believe that this fantasy, when viewed in conjunction with his frequently declared love for all things Lord of the Rings, as well as a confirmed history of Dungeons & Dragons play, serves as conclusive proof that Our Glorious Stephen clearly has "a wizard thing."

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki