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Hermit Crabs

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Hermit Crabs are America's animal coastal defense. They fight illegal immigrants attempting to enter the country with their claws. At night, it is said, they chirp the Star Spangled Banner.

Patriotism In An Exo-Skeleton Edit

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Let freedom swim!

The hermit crab is an exceptionally patriotic creature. Their infectious love of America has brought freedom to many a Middleeastern aquarium.

Notoriously Communist red lobsters are no match for our anti-social crustacean friends!

Natural Enemy Of Bears Edit

It is said that the reason bears cannot exist on the beach, is not because of the heat, but because of the hermit crab's passionate hatred of the evil beast. It only takes twelve hermit crabs to overpower a full grown grizzly bear.

In The Navy Edit

More recently, hermit crabs have seen their influence stretch out into the oceans. As a result, they are now a bona fide (but totally straight) component of the American Navy.

Following the escalating threat to the North Pole from the sinister Russians, Stephen Colbert has called for our hermit crab reserves to be deployed to the Arctic Circle. Their families will be able to console their loneliness with the realization their loved ones are bravely serving their country.




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