Helen Thomas

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Al Franken
Helen Thomas has earned
Helen Thomas
Belongs to The Vast Left-Wing Media Conspiracy
Helen Thomas

If Helen Thomas invites you into her gingerbread house, DON'T GO IN!

Helen Thomas
Female(Hopefully) Liberal
08/04/1920 -
Birthplace France, probably
Nationality UnAmerican
Occupation Liberal-Media Hard-Question-Asker
How she hurts America Asks Hard Questions

Helen Thomas is an atheist, Arab reporter who worked in George W. Bush's White House before he took office. During Stephen Colbert's audition for White House Press Secretary, she asked really hard questions with the sole objective of hurting the troops.

Before setting her Medusa-like sights on Stephen, Helen asked The Greatest President Ever some really hard questions, too, exposing our boys to danger by making Our Leader appear incompetent. Uh, Helen? The man is far too busy running the country to bother with the details of how he's running the country. Besides, journalists aren't supposed to do "research" or ask uncomfortable questions — just ask the New York Post.

Her Obsession with StephenEdit


Helen stalking Stephen at The Colbert Report parking garage.

While it is understandable for women to be attracted to Stephen (and a few men, like that cheerleader), an obsession with Stephen is only healthy when he says it's healthy. (See: Charlene) Helen once chained Stephen to a radiator in her basement (not that Stephen was complaining), but Helen Thomas must end her obsession with Stephen or face the wrath of the Colbert Nation.

Asking Hard QuestionsEdit

What is it with factonistas and their hard questions anyways? They really need to stop. Dr. Stephen Colbert has told Helen to sleep lightly these days, but she's still stalking him.

Wait... what was that? Did anybody else hear...




Ms. Thomas at the beginning of The Greatest Administration Ever (in 2001), and near the end.

  • Dr. Colbert revealed that since 2001, Ms. Thomas has experienced a "curious"Episode #497 transformation (see photo at right).

External TubesEdit

The Baby Satan has a special place in hell for
Helen Thomas
and YOU just for visiting this internets tube!

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