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|How she hurts America|| Asks Hard Questions|
Helen Thomas is an atheist, Arab reporter who worked in George W. Bush's White House before he took office. During Stephen Colbert's audition for White House Press Secretary, she asked really hard questions with the sole objective of hurting the troops.
Before setting her Medusa-like sights on Stephen, Helen asked The Greatest President Ever some really hard questions, too, exposing our boys to danger by making Our Leader appear incompetent. Uh, Helen? The man is far too busy running the country to bother with the details of how he's running the country. Besides, journalists aren't supposed to do "research" or ask uncomfortable questions — just ask the New York Post.
Her Obsession with StephenEdit
While it is understandable for women to be attracted to Stephen (and a few men, like that cheerleader), an obsession with Stephen is only healthy when he says it's healthy. (See: Charlene) Helen once chained Stephen to a radiator in her basement (not that Stephen was complaining), but Helen Thomas must end her obsession with Stephen or face the wrath of the Colbert Nation.
Asking Hard QuestionsEdit
Wait... what was that? Did anybody else hear...
- Dr. Colbert revealed that since 2001, Ms. Thomas has experienced a "curious"Episode #497 transformation (see photo at right).
- Helen Thomas to retire at the Ninth Circle of Hell
- Helen Thomas still a National Security Threat
- Helen still has a fan