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|The Great State of HAWAI'I|
|Capitol:||Any tourist information center|
|State Flower:||Anything that goes on a lei|
|State Motto:||Everybody needs to get lei'd!|
|Nickname:||The reason you can't send your kids to college that isn't Las Vegas|
|State Anthem:||"Surf'n USA"|
|Population:||Seven residents, twelve million employees, eighty billion tourists|
|Standard MPH:||Bananas are good (Latin for 34).|
|Principal imports:||Your money|
|Principal exports:||Turkeys, Pat Robertson, sunburn|
|Principal industries:||God, Jesus, water|
|Fun Fact # 1:||Decided the last two elections.|
|Fun Fact # 2:||Iraq War training center.|
|Fun Fact # 3:||Originally called the Sandwich Islands until renamed by a PR/marketing firm in the 1950's.|
Hawaii was first discovered by Jesus in 1776. According to pictures, it floats gracefully over Mexico. It gained statehood in 1864 and has been a Republican stronghold ever since. Hawaii attacked Japan in 1941 bringing about World War II, America's greatest war until Iraq. It is also California's New Zealand.
It also wants your money. Do not resist the pull: just go, and become a tourist. Do it for America.
Strom Thurmond, U.S. senator from 1954 to current, voted against giving statehood to Hawaii and was quoted as saying "Asians were unqualified to be U.S. citizens because of their heritage." Which is probably true.
- Don Ho
- Magnum, P.I.
- Steve McGarrett