"It's scarier than having to dance with Barbara Bush at an official White House function!"
~ Ronald Reagan's Ghost
The Baby Satan has a special place in hell for
Halloween/Haunted House 2007
and YOU just for visiting this internets tube!

A haunted house can mean a house that is haunted by the former residents forced to wander their former hallways and rooms trapped in spirit form as whacky self-described "artists" redecorate. Or a haunted house can mean an amusement-type structure designed to frighten and educate the visitors about any assorted horror.


The exterior of's Haunted House. Only the lower floor is open to the public. Note there are no American flags flying outside and it's painted in a color frightening to most Americans...

Famous Haunted HousesEdit

  • Winchester Mystery House
  • Disney's Haunted Mansion
  • The Pelosi Estate's Haunted HouseEdit


You Design The HouseEdit

Using the floor plan above, please post what scary themes will be in each room in the appropriate section below. If you have any questions, post them here.

Entryway (a)Edit

  • It is here that you enter the most frightening Haunted House Ever! Your guide, President Hillary Clinton will show you all the horrors!

Are you ready for the most terrifying tour in your entire life!?

Dirty Sanchez (b)Edit

  • Watch as the evils of whoredom rot away the purity of one all-American girl!
  • Do you want this to happen to your little snowflake?
  • Show her all the horrors of prostitution as Bob Jones-trained re-enactors demonstrate what happens when a girl doesn't get married while still in homeschool
  • Be careful, the pimp is a smooth talker!

Bears' Den (c)Edit

  • 'Nuff said.

The Band Room (d)Edit

  • Try your hand at the rusty trombone!
  • Blow the skin flute!
  • Spit out some nasty scat!
  • (Note, the French Horn shall be known herein as the "Freedom Horn.")

Stephen Colbert Presents: Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7 - Tek Jansen the New Adventures, Thermond Chang Gang Room (e)Edit

The "Airport Bathroom" (f) Edit

  • There's only one way in and one way out!
  • Empty your bowels while avoiding the "world's most deliberative" homosexuals!
  • Don't dare make eye contact with anyone, and be sure to keep your stance narrow to avoid a run-in with the police!

The Closet (g)Edit

  • See room (f) above.

The "Twenty-second Amendment" Room (H)Edit


He's too good to waste on just TWO terms of office.

  • A frightening depiction of what may/will happen to America and the world if George W. Bush isn't elected to a third, fourth and fifth term.

The Katrina Causes Room (i)Edit

  • Clearly illustrates the reasons Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans so hard, including, but not limited to:
  • America's ongoing love affair with abortions.
  • America's ongoing love affair with homosexuality.
  • Denouncing the war in Iraq (and thusly emboldening the terrorists).
  • Ratings not being high enough for Stephen Colbert's The Colbert Report.

The Ever So Frightening Bill Clinton Cigar Collection (J)Edit

  • Displayed in some rather... provocative ways (must be 18 or older to view this exhibit).

Stairway To Hell (K)Edit

  • Watch as your favorite American classic rock songs are brought back from the dead and raped by modern rock bands(which, as everyone knows, are all communist homosexuals and therefore suck every ball in the universe). Listen in horror as crappy emo bands violate the greatest songs of all time!

The Alberto Gonzales Amnesia Room (L)Edit

  • Step inside and forget everything you ever knew!

Illegal Immigrant Corner (m) Edit

  • Features frightening depictions of illegal immigrants giving real Americans leprosy.
  • NOTE - This room is filthy because the Mexican maid was deported and we are NOT cleaning it ourselves. Please beware of spilled food and dog feces.

The Gayification Of America (N)Edit

  • Includes animatronic Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneres, not to mention a whipping post and leather S&M bondage room (please look the other way if you see any Republican Senators loitering in this room).

(Name for Room H)Edit

  • Features in room Gail

(Name for Room "I")Edit

  • Features in room "Armory"

(Name for Room "q")Edit

  • Features in room "q"

(Name for Room "r")Edit

  • Features in room "r"

(Name for Room "s")Edit

  • Features in room "s"

(Name for Room "t")Edit

  • Features in room "t"

(Name for Room "u")Edit

  • Features in room "u"

External TubesEdit

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