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Haiti

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JesusRebel
Haiti
is a Recognized State of the United States of America.
All the geography American schoolkids Need To Know.

See Also:


Cheese
FrenchmanAvecTower
Haiti
est trop Français
veuillez l'éditer pour le rendre plus vrai dans les tripes
Hispaniola

Wrong Side of the TracksEdit

Haiti-Border-DominicanRepublic

This is either a picture of the border between Haiti and the Dominican Republic or a close-up of that loaf of bread that been sitting in my cupboard too long. Unlike Haiti, at least something is growing on my loaf of bread.

The country of Haiti is considered the loser side of the island of Hispaniola, the place that makes the Dominican Republic look good. Haiti is great at one thing and one only: sucking. It consistently ranks near the bottom of all loser countries.


The above comment was entered by someone ignorant of Haiti's importance in world history, Haiti's rich history or a hardened racist.

It's FrenchEdit

Haiti's history starts with its colonization by France. France bought the left (or gauche) side of Hispaniola from Spain in 1697 for two jugs of wine and a wheel of cheese. There was probably no one living there at the time but a few French pirates. Slaves were brought in to mine for croissants. At one time, Haiti was the most prosperous island in the Caribbean (especially for the French), making the Dominican Republic look like the loser side of the island. From the colony, France got a lot of coffee and sugar; from France, Haiti got the "derriere à manche" also known as "Le Shaft."

"Uppity" SlavesEdit

After France had their revolution--because the Americans had had one and France was jealous--Haiti's slaves wanted a better deal. France gave rights to non-whites who were not slaves. The slaves were not happy being slaves. The slaves made a secret deal with the devil to overthrow the French. Well, actually it was a voodoo ceremony, but as Pat Robertson says, any religion that is not Christianity is actually Satanism. Because of this pact, and earthquake devastated Haiti 200 years later. That's just cause-and-effect people.

France, as expected, surrendered immediately and slavery was abolished, allowing France, now known as "New Haiti," to begin immediately looking down their noses at American slavery. After Napoleon restored the name "France," he sent an army to Haiti which, not surprisingly, lost to the Haitian army. Haiti decided they could now be independent.

Haiti said "au revoir" to the French and started opposing slavery all around, which did not make them friends. Various people became royalty of Haiti since everyone enjoys regicide so much. Haiti had to compensate France for taking their land back from them, which left the country deeply in debt.

Coming of AgeEdit

Haiti finally finds its place in the Americas when it is invaded by the United States in 1915, after Haiti ran out of kings to kill and started offing presidents. You're not really a Western Hemisphere country until you've been invaded by the United States. FDR wrote their constitution. The U.S. built schools and roads and an army, despite Haiti's complete lack of oil reserves. There is no record of the U.S. benefitting in any way or doing anything wrong. The U.S. leaves in 1934, no longer able to be so generous because of the Depression. More lies, you racist and ignorant idiot!

First off!, I have no sense of humor nor understand irony nor have the vaguest notion of what truthiness is. With that said, Haiti was coming of age long before the US. Haiti helped the US in it's Independence, war of 1812 (kicked some more British arse there) and the US civil war. Additionally, because of Haiti's victory over Napoleon the US was able to purchase the Louisiana Territory from France, for pennies. Also, Haiti kicked the Spanish out of Hispanola and trained the assisted Simon Bolivar liberate south America from Spain.

The problems with Haiti stem from the fact that France and the US could not deal with the fact that blacks were kicking their butts and came up with an embargo and indemnities which crippled Haiti. The US has not historically been a good neighbor to Haiti. Oh and that 1915 venture....that was to steal the gold that Haiti had in it's treasury. Your radius boys also brought some Jim Crow bs to Haiti, but since the locals do not engage in it, your boys headed north to Cuba and created a cluster F ther, until Castro had enough of the bs.

As for your Robertson - just an irrelevant Moran who is an A H.

Fast forward, the US, through oil companies have found Haiti's petro and are now trying to steal it. Good thing that the world is watching. With Castro, Chavez and Lulu as friends no one is going to steal thatnoil.

The scariest truth of the 21st century is an idiotic moranic racist is redneckville with s keyboard who thinks he know something about other cultures when he cannot discern his mouth from his arse. Go educate yourself and try again moron.


Modern HistoryEdit

HaitiFoodRiotApril-2008

Caption

In 1957, Dr. François Duvalier brought stability to Haiti by winning an election and then volunteering to become president-for-life. His son became president-for-life in 1971. His son's name was "Baby Doc" Duvalier, who lent his name to a brand of inexpensive, Canadian wine, Baby Doc.

Some more stuff happens and then Haiti elects Jean-Bertrand Aristide president in 1991. Aristide is little too commie-ish, so the U.S., under George Bush, Sr., arranges for Aristide to be overthrown.

Bill Clinton is elected U.S. president and restores Aristide to power. At first, Clinton considers Aristide a bit too commie-ish, too, so he offers to restore Aristide as long as he passes a test. The U.S. gives him two choices for a new prime minister if he is restored: a communist or an international banker. Aristide picks the communist. The U.S. asks him, "Are you sure?" Aristide says, "Oui. Oui." The U.S. repeats to him, "Are you really sure?" Aristide replies, "Yes, I am sure." They go back and forth for a couple of weeks like this, until Aristide finally gets the correct answer and picks the international banker to be his prime minister. Democracy is restored to Haiti, broadcast live on CNN.

George Bush, Jr. is elected and, coincidentally, Aristide gets overthrown again in 2004. The U.S. is nice enough to fly Aristide out of the country. Aristide currently eats bon-bons in South Africa, hoping that Hillary Clinton wins the next election, so he can be restored to power. There was an earthquake. Shit was so cash.

External TubesEdit

Wyclef jean "if i was president"03:41

Wyclef jean "if i was president"

Wyclef Jean for Haiti: He already comes with his own campaign song!

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