Guy Fawkes Day is a British holiday, which means it's really old. A long time ago in a land far away, Guy Fawkes, widely acknowledged as the world's second terrorist (Judas Iscariot being the first) tried to blow up England's White House, also known as the Houses of Parliament. He had almost succeeded in his plan, but was foiled in a dark tunnel by the 3 musketeers, whom he had informed earlier of his plans after capturing them and placed them in a deathtrap that inconveniently malfunctioned. England celebrates this day by force-feeding a criminal candies(which are called sweets) for 3 days, tying said criminal to a tree and then having said criminal beaten to sleep(called death) by police(called Bobbies). Children dance in the spray of gore, eat the sweets and promptly go to bed without brushing. This has contributed to the common myths of British people not brushing their teeth, not using handguns and being sadists. Guy Fawkes is said to have predicted the coming of
Chuck Norris, as his last words were "I thank Satan that it wasn't Chuck Norris that caught me." British people have never understood this statement, as Chuck Norris has felt it important to keep his work from entering the British Isles, for fear that the affect it would have on the populace could lead to The War of Independence II: Return of the Dependence.
Tea was first invented when Guy Fawkes was killed and drained of all liquid for having a name like Guy Fawkes. The children in the neighborhood gathered to drink the concoction and they called it "t", after the first letter of the phrase "terrorist beverage".
The popularity of this holiday spread to the United States when homicidal murderer turn comic book writer Alan Moore wrote the British terrorist handbook called V for Vendetta in 1982. Guy Fawkes fever reached a boiling point when the liberal Jew-run media tyrants Wichowski brothers produced a historical reenactment of the event in 2006. Crumpet sales increased in the US from 0 to 0.3%.