Green Lantern
is one of the things they don't want you to know about.
Green Lantern
I pity the fool who don't edit the randomness out!

"A Dream John Stewart once had..."

  • John Stewart once dreamt he was the Green Lantern, This is documentation of that dream.

The Green Lantern is a hero and

John leading the pack.

member of the Turqoise Corps run by the Smurfs known as the Marauders of the Universe. He protects Galactic Sector 2814.483.


Some say that John Stewart is not the Green Lantern. But my gut says otherwise! People cited that John Stewart is indeed not black, as his crime-fighting counterpart has occasionally appeared to be. Supporters of the Stewart-lantern theory responded by plugging their ears and syaing "Bla bla bla.... I can't hear you". The response was recieved with outrage.

The debate continued until Stewart himself put everyone right.


John coming out of the closet.

After this photo was released, neigh sayers then proceeded to go jump off bridges.

Many have wondered what would happen when Stewart faces Tek Jansen. It has been proven that Stewart would lose because... well just because. It was suggested that Stewart adopting the roll of Green Lantern is a feeble attempt to rival Stephen Colbert's Captain America shield. This did not work because Stewart is, well, Stewart.

Subsequent actions have been taken to remove Stewart from the Corps. He is a horrible hero who knows nothing about saving people.(unlike Tek Jansen) It is apparent that John Stewart's abilities as a hero suck, for he did not save the world from the blob.

Of all the controversies, you should know that John Stewart is a horrible Green Lantern.


Noone knows the exact origin of the stewart-lantern but it goes something like this:


The Resemblance is Uncanny


Smurf's Final Moments

The smurf-aliens were attracted to earth by its spiffy televison and shiny dollars. They decided to take over the planet, but due to a miscalculation of scale, they were eaten by a fly. That fly was then swallowed by Stewart. I don't know why he swallowed the fly, perhaps he'll die. He then swallowed a spider that wigggled and jiggled and tickled inside inside him. He swallowed the spider to catch the fly, but the super-fly used its cosmic powers to kill the spider. Oh well. The super-fly then transferred it's powers to him once it was in his gullet, and thus the birth of the STEWART-LANTERN!


Green lantern

Definitive Evidence Direct from my Gut

Although he is not very powerful, his ring can control minds and make people not believe in fairies. The green lantern's powers rivals that of most Gypsys. And his biggest talent is changing the color of his skin. Yes, John can become a person with dark brown, or yellow-green polka-dotted skin. Or so they tell us, as Stephen cannot see color. He has also been purported to change into the One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater.

Most find these claims absurd, yet others find these claims in their top desk drawer. And still others say that the claims were never lost in the first place and thus cannot be found. Nonetheless The Green Lantern's powers are feeble at best.

The fact that the Stewart-Lantern changes color confuses many for the simple fact that John Stewart is white. This, however, did not stop Stephen Colbert from revealing the Green Lanterns true identity, for Stephen does not see color. Additionally, a recent issue of green lantern proves that John Stewart is in fact the lantern.


The Lantern does little fighting during his time.
Hal Jordan

Stewart Lantern

His Resume includes:

  • Loosing to Tek Jansen
  • Eating people as the One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater.
  • Losing to the giant one-celled blob
  • Fighting the giant man-eating shrews of Australia
  • Making Patty-Cake
  • Turning into Fly-Man and getting caught by Spider-Guy
  • Forming G.A.L.S (Gypsy And Lantern Society) and haunting Stephen's dreams with fears of becoming a werewolf.


  • green and black leotard, with green and white chest plate insignia
  • matching green boots
  • white gloves
  • green ring
  • green yarmulke

See AlsoEdit

John Stewart

External LinksEdit

For information on the actual Green Lantern

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