Great Bear Incident

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Great Bear Incident
is too Canadian, speak American, eh.

The Great Bear Incident of 2005 was a horrific stage in the history of Manitoba. Late in 2005, thousands of man-eating bears filled the streets of Winnipeg to protest against several Canadian channels picking up "The Colbert Report". The bears showed no mercy as they tore across the streets like a destructive, hairy plague.

It was said that thousands were mauled and the city was in chaos. The bears were barely (pun not intended) challenged, and people did not know what to do.

The Left Wing MadnessEdit

It is rumored that the large masses of Manitoba liberals and the bears joined forces. This terrifying alliance made by the crazed left wing hippies has been called The Left Wing Madness. The liberals have even been said to have hunted down all bear-haters, and had them tortured by watching clips of Jon Stewart on "The Daily Show". The Left Wing Madness truly did the most damage to the city of Winnipeg when they took over the city in 2001 under the rule of Winnie The Pooh.

Early Attacks Against the CityEdit

After taking power, Pooh quickly began to order the creation of bear statues to be erected across the city. It has been rumored that inside these statues, the bears were installing laser turrets to be used later on in the Bear uprising of 2012, to help in their assault against humans. The statues also proved to be an enormous threat against all humans who would try and rise against the bears.

Trouble to the North and Isolation Edit

Before the Great Bear Incident actually occured, The Left Wing Madness gain help from their friends to the North. The polar bears, mainly from Churchill, helped in the isolation of Winnipeg. The hairy killing machines formed a two kilometer high barricade made of empty bottles of vodka strectching from Saskatchewan to Quebec. It proved to be impossible to break down and all possibilities for aid were cut off, as the people of Winnipeg were left alone. The polar bears even resorted to killing and eating every human within a twelve mile radius of the barricade.

The isolation of Winnipeg helped The Left Wing Madness to evoke fear in the hearts of all Winnipegers and also help them to stop all communication to the city, principally the broadcasting of "The Colbert Report".

First signs of BloodEdit

Once the city had been isolated, Pooh ordered for the first attacks to begin. Winnipegers had been capable to withstand the bears for the duration of Pooh's rule for four years now, but that would soon change. By October 13, 2005, the bears had found out the full effects that "The Colbert Report" had done. The people began to stand up. However, at 2:30 that morning, the bears began the assault by running down the streets with machine guns and hammers. They broke down every door and started to kill all humans walking in the streets. It has been said that in the first five hours of the incident, one thousand humans were either mauled, shot to death by hammers.

The Battle BeginsEdit

Once Stephen had heard of this, he came to stop the massacre. His first attempts included summoning an army of ten thousand eagles led by Dick Cheney. The Eagles made their first move by attempting to attack the bears' headquarters head-on. Their plan was to bring out Pooh and then Cheney would come out of hiding and shoot Pooh in the face. This attempt failed, and Pooh is rumored to have escaped the city through an underground system of tunnels created by the French-Canadians.

Even though their plans had failed, Cheney and the Eagles believed that with the loss of their leader, the bears would easily be defeated. This was a huge mistake, as the bears had been installing anti-eagle turrets across the city and the Eagles were caught off guard. With the Eagles taken by surprise the battle was looking grim. Even though they put up a honorable fight, the godless killing machines ended up killing over three quarters of the Eagles' army. Cheney decided that enough Eagles had been killed and a gradual retreat was ordered. However, the Eagles' attempts had not proven to be useless. They had killed over five thousand bears but the bears were too large of a force to be beaten by the Eagles alone.

Colbert, the SaviorEdit

After the eagle assault, Colbert decided that things had gone far enough. He gathered all his war gear and marched towards Manitoba. Once there , he used the the newly discovered poison, Kool-Aid. While the poison didn't kill the bears, it acted as a hallucinogen, and the bears began to see John Ashcroft everywhere, and died of simultaneous heart attacks. The people of Winnipeg feasted on bear meat for many weeks.


After the defeat of the bears and the Left Wing Madness, hundreds of bears laid dead in the streets of Winnipeg. However after the long battle against the bears, the citizens of the city were hungry. Since Manitoba has no ressources, the people of Winnipeg had to eat the dead bears for weeks before Stephen brought in fifty-thousand relief crates filled with Pop Tarts. Nothing has been confirmed on The Left Wing Madness' current whereabouts ever since their defeat in Winnipeg.

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