Goon is an Australian invention. It was discovered when English convicts filled a cardboard box with wine and realised they had invented Goon. The word 'Goon' is derived from the enticement 'go on!' - which can often be heard whilst imbibing Goon, spoken by friends who have sensed the (understandable) reluctance of the imbiber or by little cartoon devils that suddenly appear at the shoulder. Goon is the cheapest of all wines and if built-in future health care costs are not included it is cheaper than air. Goon will remain in the human gut for no longer than 30 minutes. After this period has elapsed the Goon will make its presence known in one of several ways:
- The Goon molecules will convert into pure foolishness waves and overcome the consumer
- Droplets of Goon will burst through the consumer's brow whilst residual goon accumulates in the mind causing anxiety and dishevelment.
Flavors of GoonEdit
- Fresh Dry Wallaby
- Sweet Koala
- Pinot Goanna
- Cabernet Platypus
- Throw another Shiraz on the barbie
- Fruitbat Lexia
- A Dingo Stole My Chablis
- Tie Me Kangaroo Down Port
How Goon Is MadeEdit
Goon's manufacture is overseen by a giant bureaucracy of albinos who derive satisfaction from the deteriorating health of their fellow countrymen. These albinos have done everything in their power to thwart Australia's valiant efforts combating terrorism, AIDS, the EU and the nightmarish scourge of Emoism. Goon is made from grapes that would otherwise have been turned into wine, but for the curse they attracted by virtue of their planters' non-observation of New Zealand's almighty supremacy. The accursed grapes are collected, punished, humiliated and left for dead. A case of sour grapes I see you thinking. Once their sweet juices have been coaxed from their zombie-like flesh, a wave of calm descends over the goon manufactory. This raging, tsunami-like calmness converts the juice into a sickly imitation of wine, which becomes Goon upon its transfer to shoddy, sub-standard cardboard receptacles.
The Best Places To Buy GoonEdit
Goon is seldom bought, but rather acquired at the homes of acquaintances, colleagues and enemies. Oftentimes, the goon will be found in all its naked silvery glory, the bladder having been wrenched from its cardboard outer crust. In such situations the silvery bladder is often attached to that other great Australian invention- the Hill's Hoist (a rotary clothes drying hoist endemic to Australia) and spun around the hoist such that those standing under the hoist may participate in "Goon of Fortune". The object of this classic Australian pastime is to find oneself under the random stopping point of the spun bladder so that one may partake of its filthy contents.