Goldman Sachs
has been granted full United States "citizenship"
for their donation to Republican causes.
America thanks you, Goldman Sachs
Goldman Sachs
is righteous and true
God Bless America
Goldman Sachs
is a Gold-Level
Member of the
Reward Program®
Goldman Sachs logo

We don't lose. Amercia pays!

Goldman Sachs (aka Goldman Calf) is a patriotic American business with a strong tradition of investing in other patriotic American businesses, especially when those American businesses are large multinational corporations.

Goldman threat.03

Goldman Sachs receives a letter of thanks, describing its many contributions to America's greatness.

Goldman Sachs is also well known for serving as one of the Minor League franchise teams of The Greatest Administration Ever.

Bushie Leaguers Move UpEdit

To make the move up from the Sachs to serving at the pleasure of the President, one must have demonstrated the skills America has come to expect in her leaders: unflinching loyalty, the ability to follow blindly, and a willingness to take a huge paycut on paper in exchange for a lifetime of "perks." Some of the few, proud, members of the Bush Team to meet these criteria have included:

... and many more! While Goldman Sachs no doubt finds it difficult to lose so many of its top players (including positions from rising stars all the way up to former CEO Paulson) to the Bush Administration, they are always good sports. "We may not personally benefit," Goldman Sachs believes,"but as long as America wins, how can we lose?"

But we at suspect that Goldman Sachs' patriotic loyalty will be rewarded with loyalty in kind, and that they may be surprised and pleased to see some of their old employees return through those revolving doors one day to pay them a visit!

Other Sachsers Who've ServedEdit

Goldman Sachs has also contributed fine upstanding Americans formerly in its employ to other posts within America's government, including all three of its CEOs preceding Paulson. Amongst these luminaries, you can find

Most Luminous of LuminariesEdit

Perhaps the most notable of all Goldman Sachs alumni is "Mad Money's" own Jim Cramer.

Patriotic Actions!Edit

Office of Global SecurityEdit

There is no truth that this is actually euphemism for assassination squad.

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

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