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God's Congress

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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
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God's Congress
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!
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Despite what you may have heard
God's Congress
Is totally not racist!
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CONGRATULATIONS! By visiting
"God's Congress"
you have been touched in a very special way.


God's Congress is a policy making body that passes moral legislation on behalf of God himself. The members of God's Congress exemplify the highest standards of God's virtues, nixo-facto they have been chosen to codify those virtues for the rest of humanity. This elect group of lawmakers earned membership in God's Congress in various ways, but they share the common trait of having once served time as secular public servants in the "training ground" of America's Congress before moving on to higher and better chambers. Unlike America's Congress, however, God's Congress is unicameral.[1] After all, there is only one God; why, then, would He need two houses of Congress?

Current MembersEdit

Like The Colbert Nation, God's Congress is a non-partisan body, with Republican, Dixiecrat, and Independent members. Currently serving members include

Officers of God's Senate (Appointed)Edit

  • Chairman of Page Board: currently vacant
  • Ass Kicker: Clint Eastwood
  • Name Taker: position still open

ElectionEdit

Election to God's Congress is one of the highest honors a human being can ever hope to achieve, and is attained through one or more of the following processes:

  • Senility, Alzheimers, and/or Syphilis-Induced Dementia [4]
  • Loss of Secular Congressional Seat to Baseless Allegations of Wrongdoing[6]
  • Loss of Secular Congressional Seat to Civil Unrest[7] Scapegoating,[8] or Defenestration[9]

Advisory PanelEdit

Just like America's Congress, God's Congress often calls upon the expertise of a group of Advisors to help them in their work of legislating moral law for The American People. This very special Advisory Panel is made up of people who have proven their unrivaled ability to defend against blasphemy, promote faithiness, and declare truthyisms in the service of God, America's Planet, and God's Law.

Current Members of The God's Congress Advisory Panel include:


Notable Achievements of God's CongressEdit

Flag quote open clear2
My Will be done on Billboards, as it is in Heaven.
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~ God


Historic CampaignsEdit

  • God's Congress v. Browns, Boards of Education

All of the current members of God's Congress are 100% non-racist[12], so anyone who tries to tell you that the actions of the Congress in this landmark case were based on bigotry or hatred of the dark peoples are uncool revisionist historians. No, this historical law was simply a reflection of the concerns God's Congress felt about the encroachment of the secular progressives agenda into America's schools. Sure, it seems like a harmless enough move to allow the ethnics to study alongside white children. But it's a slippery slope from that to miscegenation. And miscegenation leads to mutation. And as Charles Darwin clearly stated, mutation is the engine of evolution. And if Charles Darwin is right, then nixo facto, the communists have won and we might just as well shoot God in the back of the head right now and put him out of his misery. Because that's obviously where this whole thing is leading, isn't it? "There is no God," the children will cry. Who will think of the children?

God's Congress, that's who. God's Congress always thinks of the children. That's why they took on the Browns and the Boards of Education. To protect the precious (white) children from the sinful, thought-provoking influences of both.

May 13 - Our Glorious Stephen's Birthday
February 6 - Ronald Reagan's Birthday
October 17 - Colbert Report Day

Everyone in America celebrates these holidays with fireworks and Feasting. None of that Monday crap, either. These are holydays. You celebrate them when they fall.

  • God's Congress Brings Down Pornography and/or the NEA

Why spend a little bit of money on art when we could spend a lot of money waging holy wars? Besides, art is full of the devil's mischief. Look at one Mapplethorpe photograph or attend one Tim Miller performance, and you can be sure you're going straight to hell.[13]

  • God's Congress Wages the War...
on Drugs
on Terror
on the War on Christmas
on Wages


NotesEdit

  1. This means "Single chambered," or "One housed," for those of you who failed your High School Civics class. It has nothing at all to do with the Unicamel.
  2. No known cases
  3. Thurmond; Clay; Fall; McCarthy; Byrd. In progress: Helms
  4. Thurmond (pre-death); Miller
  5. Santorum; Allen; McCarthy (pre-death)
  6. DeLay (fraud); Fall (Teapot Dome Scandal); Santorum (santorum)
  7. Clay (a pre-Colbertian truthitician; McCarthy (not his fault)
  8. Fall (the original "fall guy"?)
  9. Anticipating the 2011 membership of Mitch McConnell
  10. In cases of extra-ordinary faithiness, God does allow some members of America's Congress to serve their secular appointments simultaneously with their legislative duties in God's Congress. Members for whom this exception has been made include Strom Thurmond, Jesse Helms, and Joseph McCarthy. After the mid-term elections of 2006, the only member of God's Congress doing double duty is Bill Frist.
  11. God doesn't truck with any of that Femi-nazi "Chairperson" nonsense.
  12. Under the brilliant tutelage of Professor Doctor Stephen Colbert, D.F.A., some of the younger members have even progressed to the more advanced state of acquired color-blindness.
  13. Members of God's Congress would probably attest that doing either is already the equivalent of being in hell. "Art" makes people gay or intellectual, and neither one is good.
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