No, not the The GNU Image Manipulation Program, you know the ones I'm talking about...


Me, and my brother Franklin Hardesty, grocery shopping.

Who They AreEdit

You've seen them, squeaking around in their wheelchairs, hobbling along at a snail's pace, taking advantage of huge tax and disability benefits that we able bodied Americans work our highly flexable fingers to the bone for.

Listen, that's not what I meantEdit

These cripples are a detriment to society as a whole, by their literal inability to lead productive lives and their very presence. A presence which weakens our properly functioning citizen's own resolve to do the difficult tasks which make America the strong and nimble nation we could be. These unlucky souls have been forced to deal with their hardships by an angry God. For whatever reason, God, in his infinite wisdom and omnipresent omnipotence, has made them the way they are, or turned them that way to edify his will. It's their own fault.

Well I say, out of sight and out of mind.

It's God's PlanEdit

We can't know why God has cursed them to live this way, but must deal with this fact as it is. We can't cure them, that would only make God angrier. And we can't kill them, this would also make God angry, maybe angrier than if we cured them. We need to put these crips in a place where they will not be seen by innocent Americans, in a place far away, where slightly less cursed Americans can attend to their needs. This system would be based on a sliding scale, with say, those possessing muscle control caring for those not possessing mobility. We can work the particulars out later, but right off the bat, I'm thinking we send them wherever they sent Old Yeller.

Come on, you were thinking it tooEdit

Don't you see, this way those not disabled won't have to see those who are, imagine how much better everything would be if say, athletes did not have to work under the constant pressure of the worry of injury. Imagine what a golden society this would be without cripples on every corner, groveling for scraps of my super sized cheeseburger meal. If we plan this really well, we might even be able to send the homeless away as well. And that's just cost effective.

A lot like gimps, but not exactly the sameEdit

Just to be perfectly clear, we're not talking about the "handicapable" here. Sure, the retards and autistics and people with cancer and the sugar diabetes and that woman disease and all those other "less fortunate" people are not in the same class as the crippled. While they are often unsightly and certainly depressing and unpleasant to encounter, the "handicapable" do have the distinct advantage of being able to contribute in some minor ways to society. After all, McDonald's will always need janitors, Wal-Mart will always need greeters, and Microsoft will always need programmers.

See AlsoEdit

Do Not See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

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