Ja to Europe Edit
Germany is a member of the European Union. It is part of the Old Europe. The country was being increasingly dominated by Greens, socialists and Nancy boys. But the election of conservative Angela Merkel in 2005 has put a freeze on this alarmingly Un-American trend. The people of Germany are called "Germinish" people in some contries.
Nein to bears Edit
Germany is one of the few countries on Earth to have effectively eradicate all wild bears from within its borders. To preserve this status, the bear "Bruno", who migrated into Germany, was shot on 26 June 2006. The Germans do, however keep a lone polar bear, called Knut. But apparently only so their people can be reminded of what these God-less Killing Machines look like. This erradication of bears is something that all true Americans should be applauding. We need to erradicate the evil liberal bears in our nation too, and then in the rest of the world. It has been predicted that Germany will be one of the surviving nations of the Great Bear Uprising, along with the U.S. and Britain.
Unfortunately, the Germans have misplaced most records of anything that happening from 1914 to 1920, and all records from 1935 to 1945. In 1933 an austrian man named Adolf Hitler had the dream of becoming the Führer of Germany. He even started his own political party (because he couldn't win with the other parties), called the NSDAP, or Nazi Party. According to German records, the party was mainly interested in drinking beer and hiring tall blonde strippers, but nothing ever became of the young Adolf or his Nazi Party.Although there are no records of Germany from 1935 to May 1945, it is rumored that Germany invaded France in 1940 with a tank and a hot German frau, seized it in less than 2 days and controlled over half of the country until 1945. In 1989 the Berlin Wall, which divided the Democratic Berlin and the Communist Berlin for 40 years, was demolished. This was due to Ronald Regan threatening to prevent David Hasselhoff from ever visiting Germany again. *Currently, Germany has the strongest economy in Europe...hmm, I feel like I've seen this one before. But where....?
Germany and Dr. Stephen T. ColbertEdit
Regrettably, the truthiness has not yet permeated Germany completely. This might be due to the fact that they speak a totally un-American language that sounds like barking. It could also be because the Socialits are in power right now. While they air John Liebowitz' (Jew!) leftist Daily Show, The Colbert Report is only available by illegally (for them) visiting American websites. Also, Germany is not going to be America, too, anytime soon. According to amazon.de, it is taking as long November 1 for the wisdom to pass German Customs. Newsflash: The first ever copy of the only book anybody should really "read" (only with their gut) arrived on German soil on Oct 17, 2007! Mark this historic day! Germany is America!
Famous German exports Edit* The Scorpions - one of the worlds greatest Heavy Metal bands
- Protestant Christianity
- Mad-cow disease
- Heidi Klum
- Overpriced cars
- Fermented cabbage
- The Holocaust
- Nazi Comic Books
German Pastimes Edit
German People love to do the following:
- Invade France
- Forget certain time periods
- Drink beer
- Secretly prefer English when talking amongst themselves
- Take pride in composers that are actually American (i.e. Beethoven, Mozart, Bach)
- Eat fried pig testicles, their main export after Jews
- Invent quantum electrodynamics, only to be beaten to the first atomic bomb by the Americans (using German scientists who were too scared to stay in Germany).
- Drink Jaegermeister, which contains deer blood and tyranny
- Wear leather shorts with socks and sandals (but not in a kinky way)
- Build walls decorated with razor wire, watchtowers and searchlights
- Invent art that has no meaning (Dada movement, German Rap, and David Hasselhoff)
- Nail proclamations to church doors, then make books about it to piss off the Vatican
- Yodel and "study" goat husbandry
- Complaining about how America has too much influence and their culture becomes "americanized" (they should celebrate!)
- Watching American television, but the actors mumble unintelligible foreign words (might be German)
- Emigrating to America (Switzerland does not count, part of Greater Germany)
- Eating out American
- Demonstrate against completely reasonable things like war, global warming, social welfare cuts, not enough rights for women, etc.
- Go on strike
- Getting molested by an American President. see: Angela Merkel
- Germany builds new Nucular Powah plant!
- Prostitution makes Germany stiff and horny
- Germany unveils new soda product
- Germany's election scandal sicks Nation! Stop with the pictures!!
- Lego to release a new Lego Toy!
- German Police stops Deadly Hippies
- Terrorists ruin beer-fest
- Germans bad at bed. In this poll is good we are not #1
- Germany celebrates racism
- German hippies demands installation of communist regime: rich to be imprisoned soon
- Germany's New Wall full of deviance
- Real Germans are back, baby!
- I for one welcome our Nekked German Overladies
- East Germany still waiting to be liberated
- Black Mooslim takes over Germany
- Germany to turn back to its roots
- Germany invents heatballs: amazing discovery *Germany's weird bestiality drug orgy
- Nazis are back, baby!
- German Space Aliens invades Germany
- Germany betrays beer brewing tradition!