is an insidious part of the
Fancy-pantsification of America!

A screenshot of the original gaydar prototype, from the Museum of Gayology, The People's Republic of San Francisco

Somewhat similar to the "spidey sense," gaydar enables straight people to detect gays, also known as homosexuals, from up to 1 mile away.

The Gays who use gaydar can detect another gay in the same time zone.

When someone activates your gaydar, you will feel an unusual tingling sensation along the back of your neck (much as you would if a vampire was near you), sometimes accompanied by a sudden involuntary clenching of the buttocks. You may also feel compelled to protect your genitalia like a vault at the bank; this feeling is common and completely normal.

If you find yourself unintentionally aroused by the activation of your gaydar, do not blame yourself. As Stephen Colbert has noted on numerous occasions, the fault lies squarely with the gays who turn us on. It's all part of their plan to try to make us gay, too.

Contrary to popular belief, gaydar will not detect bears, but it can detect Gay Bears. It can easily be jammed by British accents.

Military Grade GaydarEdit


The portion of visible light that can only be detected by a functioning gaydar

The military uses an actual gaydar device when recruiting troops. To remove the subjective opinion of recruiters and any potential conflict of interest when the recruiters are under pressure to meet their quotas, the military brass commission the development of a gaydar device. It is mounted on a potential recruit's head and measure their neurological impulse when being shown softcore pornography. If a person is exclusively attracted to the same sex, they are rejected from military service.

Limitation: The gaydar device is ineffective when a person is attracted to both sexes or is celibate.


  • Never visit France with your gaydar; it will overheat and can cause an unsafe change in blood pressure.

See Also Edit

External TubesEdit

LeathermanShoppingNoBkg This article might have to do with something gayish. Please straighten it out
Not that there's anything wrong with it the way it is,
but it is a little "light in the loafers" (if you know what I mean...)

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