Due to the number of gays that are claiming there is no difference between what is being done to them and the Jim Crow laws, we at The Colbert Nation propose that the following laws be enacted. If the law-huggers are already accusing us of doing these Bible-sanctioned things, why not do it right and pass some laws?
There's no indication that Jesus would disapprove (save for the one about Transsexuals not being able to wear ski suits).
Gays must wear a pink hat.
Gays must live within 200 yards of wild bears.
Gays will be forbidden from driving under bridges.
Lesbians cannot run for Governor.
Girly men can only live in the Bay area and Hollywood.
Gay activists to be audited every year!
Transsexuals can't wear ski suits.
All LGBT types must leave the state by sundown every day.
(They also need to rename their state.)
Gays must use a size 1 pencil.
Gays can't hold public office. Gay Republicans can't use public bathrooms.
- must be confined to the horrible ghetto known as Atlanta.
- and stay away from horses.
Gays are not allowed in public bathrooms.
Must live within 2 miles of Fred Phelps House.
Will be forced to sing musical numbers when ever a white male asks them to.
Must not have parades.
Must move to Canada eh.
Same as Idaho.
Transsexuals can't live in mountain cabins.
There are people in Nebraska?
Only 500 gay people can live in this state at one time.
Gays must live on Fire Island.
Bisexuals can't run for governor.
Isn't living in New Mexico punishment enough?
Homosexuals of any sort must live in LV and perform nightly acts.
depends on the county.
have to wear GPS ankle bracelets.
All homos are subject to getting kicked out of the Marines.
Only non practising gays can become Governor.
Gays can't live outside of Portland.
Gays have to use separate bathrooms.
There are no laws regarding gays. (They also don't know how to spell Road.)
Lesbians must report to the nearest slaughter house.
Gay men must refer to themselves as girls.
All gay men must write plays.
Their assholes must be sewn shut (to make sure they remain virgin-ians).
Thou shalt not bogart that joint.
Gay men have to wear styles from three years ago.
- As a result of Dahmers law all gay men are subjected to periodic tests for cannibalism.
- Gay men can't attend packers games. (The irony of that is known to kill them).
Anyone mentioning that damn movie about gay cowboys will be shot.
Gay men can't run a Presidential campaign.