Ad blocker interference detected!
Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers
Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.
|Official Republican Party Explanation Chart|
Choose ONLY ONE explanation from each column, beginning at the column furthest left (eww!). At the close of each news cycle, move one column to the right (WOO-HOO!) until you have used each column. When you have exhausted all columns, refer all questions to the Republican P.R. Rep/lawyer assigned to your case.
|ADDICTION/MEDICAL ISSUE||BAD CHILDHOOD||LIBERAL LIFESTYLE CAUSE||REMIND MEDIA...|
|alcoholism||abused as child||Hollywood caused it||that a Clinton did it too|
|pain medication||saw abuse when a child||gays caused it||that all liberals do it too|
|depression||abused as a page||rap music caused it||that some liberal somewhere probably did it|
|anxiety||only child||working women caused it||that liberals support the idea|
|exhaustion||large family||taking the Bible out of schools caused it||that you cannot comment on an on-going investigation|
|past football injury||single mother||FDR caused it||about September 11th|
|depositions are taking a toll||latchkey kid||a Clinton caused it||with a Terror Alert|
|governing is hard work||never circumsized as a child||Al Gore, John Kerry, Howard Dean, or some future as-yet-unnamed liberal caused it||that Jesus forgives|
|dyslexia||adopted, raised by gay parents and/or bears||Bitch set me up||This is not the time for partisan politics. We have to work together as Americans.|
|inability to distinguish between a meth-selling gay hooker and a masseur||was raised by hippie parents (who were most likely gay, hookers and selling meth)||hippie parents prevented attendance at church||"That's a very interesting question and-- Hey! what the heck is that?!?" (then run)|
|having a wide stance||2||3||that Real Americans Support Our Troops!|