Fandom

Wikiality

GOP Excuse Menu

12,424pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

MemoHeading
"THIS IS AN OFFICIAL INTERNAL REPUBLICAN PARTY MEMO, DO NOT DISSEMINATE TO THE PRESS OR NON-MEMBERS. AFTER READING AND COMMITTING THIS INFORMATION TO MEMORY, PLEASE DISPOSE IN THE MANNER PRESCRIBED IN YOUR REPUBLICAN HANDBOOK. GOD BLESS AMERICA."

FlagStephenJr
StephenFlag2
ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.


Official Republican Party Explanation Chart

Choose ONLY ONE explanation from each column, beginning at the column furthest left (eww!). At the close of each news cycle, move one column to the right (WOO-HOO!) until you have used each column. When you have exhausted all columns, refer all questions to the Republican P.R. Rep/lawyer assigned to your case.
Don't forget to tip your lobbyist.

ADDICTION/MEDICAL ISSUE BAD CHILDHOOD LIBERAL LIFESTYLE CAUSE REMIND MEDIA...
alcoholism abused as child Hollywood caused it that a Clinton did it too
pain medication saw abuse when a child gays caused it that all liberals do it too
depression abused as a page rap music caused it that some liberal somewhere probably did it
anxiety only child working women caused it that liberals support the idea
exhaustion large family taking the Bible out of schools caused it that you cannot comment on an on-going investigation
past football injury single mother FDR caused it about September 11th
depositions are taking a toll latchkey kid a Clinton caused it with a Terror Alert
governing is hard work never circumsized as a child Al Gore, John Kerry, Howard Dean, or some future as-yet-unnamed liberal caused it that Jesus forgives
dyslexia adopted, raised by gay parents and/or bears Bitch set me up This is not the time for partisan politics. We have to work together as Americans.
inability to distinguish between a meth-selling gay hooker and a masseur was raised by hippie parents (who were most likely gay, hookers and selling meth) hippie parents prevented attendance at church "That's a very interesting question and-- Hey! what the heck is that?!?" (then run)
having a wide stance 2 3 that Real Americans Support Our Troops!
5 6 7 8

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki