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Frenchitis is a terrible disease that affects the entire population of France. It was first discovered by Benjamin Franklin during his long and arduous stay in that country trying to win support for World War 0. It remains one of the last great unsolved mysteries in medicine.
- Prolonged exposure to anti-American sentiment
- Marcel Proust
- Marcel Marceau
- Anyone named 'Marcel'
- Or 'Pierre' for that matter
- Stinky Cheese
- Body Odor
- A completely undeserved sense of superiority
- Being repeatdly invaded by Germany
- fearful of prolonged physical exertion
- acquired taste in cheese
- speaking through the nose
- oversized forehead
- periodically monotone voice
- Body Odor
- identifying as a black man in early adolescence
- repeat attempts to apply for AARP
The Search for a CureEdit
Several large-scale efforts have been made to rid the French people of this plague. In 1958, researchers in Switzerland, who perennially have to put up with France's crap, tried to cure a group of 100 test subjects by psychotherapy. They exposed the patients to 24 hours of French Cinema to help them realize how stupid it was. Unfortunately, this caused the disease to advance to a later stage. The patients grew permanent berets out of the top of their heads and began to wander around aimlessly, talking to themselves about existentialism.
In 1995, a crack team of American doctors set out to find a drug for Frenchitis. They began by experiementing with the most powerful concentrations of Americanism known to man. After a mixture of Jesus' sweat, Bill O'Reilly's tears, and Stephen Colbert's Formula 401 showed promise in French rats, they began clinical trials in humans. The extreme concentration of this syrum, however, caused the French patients to die almost immediately. Back to the drawing board, the doctors are hoping to deliver a gentler dose in their new formula by using Stephen Colbert's Formula 401 Pour L'Artiste.
At present, about a third of population of France, those who voted for the Conservative, has developed an immunity to Frenchitis. But beware, they are still carrier and can infect others. Those of the left still worth saving may now attend an advanced rehabilitation center to ease transition to conservative view points and bypass such cowardly misfortunes.