Freedom Haters

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Michael Moore eiffel

Spy photograph of a Freedom Hater.

Freedom Haters are Terrorists, and other "people" who try to put an end to the American dream. These haters of freedom are often blamed for the attack of Pearl Harbor, and the World Trade Center. Though their crimes did not end here. Freedom Haters are are also the cause of: male pattern baldness; putting football games on the NFL Network; The female orgasm, and the production of the movie Jarhead.

Origin of the Freedom HaterEdit

When Sean Hannity and Stephen Colbert created the Universe they gave Adam, the first Man, a penis. This penis made Adam a Real American. But they gave Eve, the first woman, no penis at all. This lack of penis, or what is known as a pussy, made Eve the first Freedom Hater.

Eve hated freedom SO much that when Satan told her to eat the pink-grapefruit of knowledge, she did it! The Pink-Grapefruit of Knowledge made it so that eve could think with her headbone, instead of her gutbone. Thus the battle between truthiness (based on guts) and facts (based on the headbone) began.

Recent AttacksEdit

Ever since Stephen's placemant in People Magazine's sexiest man alive issue the Freedom Haters have been trying to bring him down. Such as Alex Trebek over using Colbert's facts on his show, or various people using his trademarked catchphrase "I am comming down like a ton of mulch" or the shortend version, simply being: "mulch".

Known Freedom HatersEdit

People Doing Things About This ProblemEdit

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