The Founding Fathers, otherwise known as Stephen Colbert, Richard Nixon, George Herbert Walker Bush, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Christopher Columbus and Jesus Christ founded America in 1492 B.C..
Arrival On This American ContinentEdit
These huge creatures were hunted down by the founders with their Remington bolt-action rifle created by God on the third day so that Man could fight both the dinosaurs and the homosexuals.
After the dinosaurs were gone the few Indians that were left came out of hiding and offered presents to the founding fathers. This was on the third Thursday in November a day now recognized as Thanksgiving.
After this historic event, the Founding Fathers found ancient stones left behind by Moses with the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence written upon it. These sacred stones set the standards for America and ever since the country has been moralistic and flawless.