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Fort Marriage is where American marriages are safe. It is a citadel so secure and sacred that homosexuals are never let in, and once a stright person enters, he can never leave. Ever.
Fort Marriage was built in Fort Gay (see irony), West Virginia by notable figures including Abraham Lincoln, Stephen Colbert, Jesus, and George W. Bush in six months of backbreaking labor. There are some that say that "hey, summer's only three months long!" Well these season-huggers have probably never been to Fort Gay.
After its construction, It remained a relatively quiet place until It came under assault November 18th, 2003, when the Gay Horseman of the Apocolypse set forth from Boston, Massachusetts to raid the fort. The Fort remains embattled to this very day.