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Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli, popularly known as The Fonz or simply Fonzie, is an American icon and a preserver of truthiness. Fonzie single-handedly tried to defeat liberalism in Hollywood in an attempt to return America to those blisful days of the 1950s when truthiness reigned supreme and the Blame America First Crowd had not yet reached its apex.
Fonzie was born Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The Fonz dropped out of high school due to his disdain for facts and learning from books. After dropping out of school, the Fonz learned to rely on thinking with his gut. When faced with a particularly daunting problem or challenge, the Fonz's gut makes the following noise: "Eeeyyye!" This show's Fonzie's focus.
Fonzie's truthiness manifests itself as the ability to make mechanical objects function with a single touch, implying that he knew so much about how they worked that he could set the works in motion via one tap.
The Fonz moved to the Belly of the Beast in an attempt to reform the town and its pervasive liberal, Commie, and gay culture. At first, the Fonz focused on trying to change everybody in Hollywood to a more American way of life. This, however, proved to be an impossible task for just one man.
Fonzie instead began to emphasize reforming members from the
Church Cult of $cientology in Hollywood. The Fonz was successful in convincing a number of the members to leave the Cult by encouraging the members to date the Fonz's lady-friends from Milwaukee, listen to rock music, and love the Baby Jesus. The ranks of $cientology dropped to their lowest numbers in the 1970s and 1980s due to Fonzie's efforts.
The Fonz retired to Milwaukee in the late-1980s and married his long-time girlfriend, Laverine DeFazio. Today, Fonzie and Laverine have 2.5 kids, live in the suburbs, and continue to support truthiness.
After the Fonze's retirement in 1988, George H. W. Bush, awarded Fonize the Purple Heart of Valor and Coolness for his brave activities on behalf of God's Country in attempting to reform the denizensHollywood. George Washington appeared at the ceremony to present Fonzie with the award. As a tribute to Fonzie, George Washington mimicked the Fonz's famous "Eeeyyye" and thumbs-up gesture in response to which the crowd in attendance went wild.
Fonzie gave a speach after receiving the Purple Heart of Valor and Coolness in which he thanked the President for the award. Fonzie also famously said that Pinko liberals in Hollywood are not "correctamundo" in their beliefs, and that all Americans should strive to reform them. Upon making this remark, Fonzie ended his speach, put on water skies, and jumped over the crowd.
- The Fonz has kissed more women than John Travolta, Tom Cruise, and every other male $cientologist combined.
- Fonzie dislikes reading to such an extent that he has became a functional illiterate.
- Elvis taught the Fonze how to fight.
- ↑ Unfortunately, after Fonzie's retirement, the number of people involved with $cientology have been growing. This has been attributed to the policy of the "Christ of $cientology," Tom Cruise, permitting new members to use the lead space vessel in the $cientology fleet, the S.S. Space Yacht, to find young boys for their entertainment.