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Flag Day was a Featured Word on 06/14/07.
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Baby Jesus
Celebrate the all-American Holiday
Flag Day
with The Baby Jesus™

Since 06/14/1776

Who says patriotism can't be sexy?

Flag Day is a patriotic American holiday celebrated on June 14, during which a scrap of cloth is worshiped like an idol. It is a celebration of the American Flag's superiority over all other flags, which is a metaphor for America's superiority over everyone else. This day is also known as "Fourth of July, Jr."

Origins of Flag DayEdit

Flag day was invented by the Founding Fathers less than a year after the first Independence Day because they knew that America is the Greatest Country in the World, and would naturally have the Greatest Flag in the World. Flag day was officially declared a national holiday by the First Continental Congress. Their original intent had included adding a clause to Constitution making every day a national holiday celebrating something American (i.e. the American Flag on Flag Day, Apple Pie on Apple Pie Day, Hummers on Hummer Day).

Sadly, even as far back as our country's founding, the voices of the Hate America Firsters were already conspiring against Americanism. With their hatred of happiness and anti-Americanism, they grinched up the Founding Fathers' beautiful vision of a country where every day would be a patriotic celebration of its own patriotism. Luckily for the rest of us, however, they didn't get Flag Day!

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

How to Celebrate Flag DayEdit

What Enemies of America Do On Flag DayEdit

Enemies of America (i.e. Terro-liberal communist non-Americans) spend all day burning flags and talking about how much they hate America, freedom, and The Greatest President Ever. Evildoers are constantly finding insidious, perverted new ways of desecrating our flag, which can't be mentioned here because they would make The Baby Jesus cry.

If you see anyone disrespecting the Greatest Country Ever or the Greatest Flag Ever on Flag Day (or any other day, for that matter), grab the nearest American flag, wrap it around their neck, and choke the anti-American sentiment right out of them.

Other Country's Flag DaysEdit

Enemies of the Greatest Country Ever and even France have been known to rally behind their own flags. Like the evil rituals of Satan these affairs are often inverted from the Truthy American Ideal™. It is often punctuated with fire especially when liberally applied to the American Flag. Occasionally they'll conduce services in their heathen religions to appease the volcano god. Thruthily it's just be a continual display of why they aren't good enough to be an American.

External LinksEdit

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