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Fidel Castro is the dictator of Cuba who overthrew the democratically elected President, Fulgencio Batista in 1959. He is the most brutal man the world has ever known, except for Saddam Hussein, and is responsible for the murder of more people than both Hitler and Stalin combined. He assassinated John F. Kennedy in 1963 by disguising himself as Marylin Monroe and giving Kennedy such a bad case of syphilis that it blew off a side of his head while he was in Dallas. Castro is currently dead but may be revived shortly according to the Cuban government.
Line of SuccessionEdit
- Fidel Castro
- Raúl Castro
- Mr. Pickles
- Has an artificial anus!
- Castro's internal organs are built of raw cuban tobacco, and slaughtered kittens.
- Is Jimmy Carter's half-brother
- Was the reason the USS Maine sunk in Havana in 1903. He cut up the hull with his iron wool beard, while Mr. Pickles clawed out the Captain's eyes.
- Brainwashed zombie bear, John Kerry into thinking he spent Christmas in Vietnam, with Cuban Castro Magic
- Was once the great Houdini, however he escaped that life with his Castro magic and hid in Cuba.
- Is regional Champion of the South American Surprise Butt Secks league.
- He had WMDs but Ronald Reagan stopped him in one of his secret missions.
- The secret to Castros power lies in his beard and cigar
- which is why we [aka jesus] put poison and radiation in his shoes, and why he now has no beard.
- discovered the fountain of eternal life in cuba, never found the one of youth, thus still ages.