These are baby factories. Scientists in these clinics use some kind of secret-sauce recipe involving test-tubes, santorum, green eggs, and (for Christians only) ham. They mix it all up in dark hallways that look like CSI and put it all into one of those test-tube whirly-gigs and out comes the start of a miracle baby.
Scientists who do this have a blast playing around with all that stuff, so they call the babies that they come up with blastocysts. They have so much fun with their test tubes and stuff that they usually make hundrends of those blastocysts every time someone orders up a miracle baby.
Is it evil?Edit
Because all of this involves science and test tubes and "doctors" who aren't preachers, it would appear, at first glance, to be evil, especially because it's a way of making babies without love making.
But, in one of the greatest mysteries of faithiness, it turns out that these places aren't just OK. They are often blessed.
Although Dr. Colbert hasn't yet weighed in with an encyclical on the subject, preachers have prayed over this issue and have decided -- to the shock of some who don't understand true faithiness -- that fertility clinics are a way for God's will to be manifest on earth. It turns out that even some God-fearing Christian one-man/one-woman married couples must use these places to get their own miracle babies so that they can be fruitful and multiply. (It's especially appropriate for a few one-man/one-woman/one-masseur triples for whom God's message is "Be fruity and multiply.")
Storing miracle babiesEdit
When they're making a baby for a God-fearing Christian couple or even for a gay or lesbian couple or a single-mom career woman, the scientists at fertility clinics make up a big batch, just in case. This results in tens of thousands of frozen human beings.
Some of them get used by God-fearing Christian couples who cook them up and make what they call "snow-flake babies." Some of these frozen babies eventually get thrown away as "medical waste." But now, there are scientists out there who want to use these frozen babies for "medical research" rather than "medical waste."
We've been told by Rev. Pat Robertson,
Pator Ted Haggard, Dr. James Dobson, and other wise men including the Greatest President Ever that this kind of "medical research" is a bad thing. We're told that it's far better to throw the babies away instead of doing what is called "stem-cell research" with the babies.
Dr. Stephen Colbert recently recognized a unique solution to this problem when he read about a possible medical advance that might allow a womb to be placed even in a man. Dr. Colbert recognized that this astonding advance will allow all of the men who are horrified by the idea of "medical research" on frozen babies to do something about it. All of the men could get themselves a fake womb and grow their own snow-flake babies.
The only alternative would be vast freezers to hold all of these frozen babies. Administration denies reports that such a facility has already been built by Halliburton inside a cavern on Pike's Peak west of Colorado Springs.
Beware of gay babiesEdit
Those who are looking for their own miracle snow-flake baby (with or without using a man-womb) face a significant hurdle when getting a frozen baby from a fertility clinic: It's sometimes hard to know for sure where the frozen baby came from. It's even possible that a God-fearing Christian couple ordering a snow-flake baby from a fertility clinic would get a gay baby.
Of course, all God-fearing Christian couples know that being gay is entirely a choice. Pastor Ted Haggard told them so, and he should know. But each of them must ask: "Is a snow-flake baby worth the risk?"