Fair and Balanced Doctrine

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Fair and Balanced Doctrine (FBD) is a law created by the telecommunications industry to insure a "fair and balanced" view of every signal transmitted and recieved using America's telecommunications tubes. This covers all television programs, internets and every phone conversation.


Created in 1986, by Ronald Reagan and bolstered again in 1996 by Sonny Bono, the FBD was an industry sponsored self-regulating set of rules to do away with government over-reaching and all-around noseyness.


The FBD allowed the telecommunications industry to be free from the shackles of an oppressive regulating agency (FCC) and finally bask in the unfettered bosom of competitive capitalism and at long last make some money for themselves.


When America's destiny manifested itself across this great continent, people began to lose contact with each other. Some people suggested using horses to run communications back and forth; others said, "why not build a big train?" and still others wondered why we never honored any treaties.

None of this mattered once God gave Benjamin Franklin electricity and America's love of long-distance communications was born.

Electricity Begat Entertainment!Edit

During America's first days, entertainment was a commodity in short supply. "Hoop and Stick" was found to be an abomination by all of the country's very best ministers, Injuns were everywhere and women were exposing ankles faster than the slaves were.

America was being tested by The Lord and no technological solution was on the horizon.

The Baby Jesus was saddened by these events and asked His Father to step in. God obliged His Best, Only and Most Beloved Son and sent upon His Holiest Nation 10 Plagues:

  1. buffalo
  2. hurricanes
  3. reading
  4. Mormons
  5. endless fields of grain
  6. clean air
  7. drinkable water
  8. nature (which covered the untapped coal and oil reserves)
  9. indians
  10. gay indians

America suffered horribly from these plagues. But God was determined to punish the sinners until they ended their sinful ways and return to a life of faith, chastity and the free market.

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