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An expert is someone that feels the truth with their gut. Experts should not be confused with so-called experts who "know" the truth with their "heads." So-called experts are people who work in a field that can't be verified, such as the theoretical physics of "string theory," whereas real experts are people like Stephen Colbert, who have their own TV shows.

Real ExpertsEdit


A so-called expert

Somebody who is the holder of secret knowledge, like Gandalf. Somebody who has an entry on Somebody who has a gut. Somebody who is famous. Somebody who has their own TV show.


A real expert

Anyone can be an expert. All you need to do to sound convincing is to throw out a couple of facts and then let your gut do the talking. Always keep a straight face: don't laugh or look uncomfortable. Always use certain hand gestures for getting your point across in a strong way -- you want to look "professional." One way "you" can "do" this is to "make" a "lot" of "air quote" signs with your "fingers" while you are "speaking." That will make you look like an expert for sure.

You can laugh when you get home, ok?


Stephen Colbert is an expert on truthiness, just ask him yourself.

Oprah Winfrey is an expert on Oprah Winfrey (and by extension all black people). The evidence of this is that she has appeared on the cover on every single issue of O magazine.

Mel Gibson is an expert on Jesus because he had enough money to make a movie about him.

is a part of's dictionary, "Watch What You Say". For the full dictionary, click here.

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