Wikia

Wikiality

Exfoliation

12,423pages on
this wiki
Talk0
Word Icon
Exfoliation was a Wikiality.com Featured Word on 04/13/07.
Word Icon
WonkyEarPub08
ToDoList
Exfoliation
is a ritual Our Glorious Stephen
recommends everyone perform at least daily.


Flag quote open clear2
The Stephen Colbert Face Cleansing Routine is the only way I moisturize my situation and preserve my sexy.
Flag quote close clear2
~ P. Diddy


Exfoliation is a process by which Our Glorious Stephen maintains his gorgeous "body of youth".[1] Dr. Colbert[2] developed his own exfoliation process which he calls The Official Stephen Colbert Face-Cleansing Routine™.[3]

ILoveTargetToo

The Official Stephen Colbert Face-Cleansing Routine™ is the only exfoliation process Stephen recommends.

Why Exfoliate?Edit

"Exfoliation: it's like voting for your skin!"™

How to Exfoliate[4]Edit

Step 1.Edit

Ask someone what type of skin you have[5], since you don't see skin type.

Step 2.Edit

Buy or create a cleanser that is appropriate for your skin type. If creating the cleanser, use an abrasive material such as:

sugar
pumice stone
sandpaper
gold flakes
crushed bald eagle shell

Step 3.Edit

Open your pores with a hot shower or bath; or by screaming to an adoring studio audience underneath hot television lights 4 times a week, 42 weeks a year.Episode #312

Step 4.Edit

Exfoliate1

Scrub upward lackey!

Have an intern apply the cleanser to your skin. Always have her scrub in an upward direction. Always up! If the intern scrubs downwards, fire her immediately. If done correctly, this step will not only remove the crap from your skin, but make you look at least 25 years younger. If done incorrectly, you might as well kiss your face goodbye. [6]

Step 5.Edit

Have your intern thoroughly rinse the muck off your face using freezing cold water or compressed air (at least 100psi).

Step 6.Edit

The intern should now pat your face dry using 20 dollar bills.

Step 7.Edit

Exfoliate2

Moisturizing is important, too

Moisturize liberally with the correct variety of Stephen's Essence Brand Facial Moisturizers™.[7]

Step 8.Edit

Slap your skin vigorously until all feeling returns. Slap the intern, just because you can.[8] Now, you will not be as beautiful as Stephen Colbert, but at least you don't look like John Stewart.


Flag quote open clear2
My skin needed to be disciplined. The Stephen Colbert Face Cleansing Routine did it!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Jessica Simpson


FootnotesEdit

  1. See:Deepak Choprah
  2. He holds Honorary Doctorates in Dermatology from not one, but two seperate institutes of higher education.
  3. available for purchase at Colbertnation.com.
  4. Note: The Stephen Colbert Face-Cleansing Routine™ is just one element of the 1,111-step process known as Stephen Colbert's Beauty Regimen™ (also available for purchase at Colbertnation.com).
  5. Republican, Democrat, Independent, or Combination
  6. See: Michael Jackson
  7. Look for our new EZ-SQUEEZE package!
  8. ...and/or because she has asked you to do so.


See AlsoEdit


WonkyEarPub08
CashDrawer
Exfoliation
is available for purchase
from and for the benefit of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.

Around Wikia's network

Random Wiki