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These are the most trusted, most patriotic Americans, and have thus been awarded with a Government job in The Greatest President EVER's Administration.
|Cabinet Rank Members|
|Department||Responsibilities||Position Held By...|
|The Vice President||The V.P. only does what The United States Constitution allows, nothing more, and certainly nothing less.||Dick Cheney|
|White House Chief of Staff||The Chief of Staff is really like a glorified secretary (as in little "s" secretary). He files papers, and answers the phone.||Joshua B. Bolten|
|Office of Management and Budget||The Head of the O.M.B. is like the Mommy; he takes care of how much money is spent. And he makes sure Daddy doesn't spend everything on poker night.||Rob Portman|
|United States Trade Representative||Making sure American businesses are not swindelled by unscrupulous Foreigners' dirty dealing and underhandedness is Hard Work. So, The Greatest President--EVER! created an office to look out for America's best interests. No one had ever thought of doing that before.||Ambassador Susan Schwab|
|Environmental Protection Agency||The E.P.A. is a coalition of current and former industry America-lovers who know their fields so well, that no one else could oversee them with such efficiency. It's True™.||Stephen Johnson|
|Office of National Drug Control Policy||Now that Canadians are trying to poison America's drug supply, it is obvious why this Office is so necessary.||John Walters|
|White House Counsel||The President's lawyer ensures that the President's actions are always within the bounds of the law - or, more accurately, declares them to be outside the realm of prosecution.||Fred Fielding|
|Chairman of the Federal Reserve||This officer of America's Bank makes sure all of America's money is counted and neatly stacked at the end of each banking day.||Ben Bernanke|
|Social Security Administration Commissioner||Changes the adult diapers, clips coupons, and tells the President how easy he has it.||Michael Astrue|
|Corporate Liason||This Office was set up to insure that no loyal Republican would go without a high-paying job EVER!||s|
|Office of Christianity||With gays everywhere, boobs showing up on TV and bears roaming America's Planet, America needs this Office now, more than ever.||Dr. James Dobson|
|Republican Party Chairman||The RNC Chair now works directly out of the White House; it's just that much more efficient. And isn't that what all those liberals want anyways?||Mike Duncan|
|Distraction, Deflection, Distortion Minister||This Office was created to make sure no one says the wrong things, and to make sure only the right things get said.||Karl Rove|
|Propaganda Minister||This Office makes sure that information is propagated efficiently. That's all it's for.||Tony Snow|
|Foreign Propaganda Minister||This Office insures that America's image is not tarnished abroad and to make sure Foreigners know that liberals are to blame for EVERYTHING!||Karen Hughes|
|Presidential Poll Watcher||Because The Greatest President--EVER! reads 1,000 books every month, he has no time to keep track of the things that are important to Americans. The P.P.W. serves this vital purpose.||s|
|Presidential Scare-Monger|| BOO! Is that a terrorist?!|
Would you be ready if it was?
OMG! WTF WAS THAT!?
|Vice Admiral Mike McConnell|
|Presidential Blame Minister||A highly attuned American whose superpower allows him to know who is to blame for a bad thing that happens even before the police know. And to make sure the media know too.||s|
|Presidential Victimization Advisor||The P.V.A. works with the press to keep Americans informed about all the bad things that happen to Republicans or The Greatest President--EVER! so the people can know how much Hard Work they are doing to keep America safe, despite all the attacks, name-calling, etc.||s|
|Presidential Scapegoat||No one is really sure what this office is for, but rest assured only a really good friend of America and America's Greatest President--EVER! could handle the duties necessary to fulfill it's mission.||Richard Armitage|
|Presidential Strawman||No one is really sure what this office is for, but rest assured only the worst enemy of America and America's Greatest President--EVER! could meet the requirements for this position.||See: liberals|