Eva Longoria
Was an Uber Hottie but has committed an act of Hottie Treason!
She has angered Stephen Colbert and made The Baby Jesus cry.
She is banished to Hell to be Martha Stewart's hand maiden.

Eva Longoria
is a CELEBRITY! Oh. My. God.

Eva Longoria
gives aid and comfort to America's enemies. As A True American™,
it is your duty to report Eva Longoria to the authorities.

Assumed to be as gay as a jay bird (even without make-up)

Eva Longoria is a Hollywood actress best known for her role in Desperate Housewives. In the fall of 2006, she denied that she was playing Beyoncé's gay lover in a movie, but she did not announce that she is not gay. Any guy would love to see her making out with Beyoncé.

If a celebrity does not announce that they are not gay, Dr. Colbert must assume that they are. Consequently, Dr. Colbert stated that we can assume that Longoria actally is Beyoncé's gay lover in real life.

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