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Environment

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"Environment"
discusses one of the Liberal's Ridiculous Theories and Notions.


Environment (c. 4000 B.C. - 2008 A.D.) is a term encompassing all things on earth that God created for the specific purpose of being used, abused, and taken grievous advantage of by humans, and, more specifically, Americans. The environment is most notable for housing a vast plethora of beautiful, awe-inspiring things for liberals to complain about, like global warming and poaching. I mean, honestly, what does it matter if it's bear season or not?!? Who do these people think they are, telling me what I can and can't kill! I'll see to it that the Jews pay for this.

Origins Edit

The environment is estimated to have been created around the same time as earth itself, crafted personally by the Lord. After God created the first humans, this new invention had a choice audience, one who would look upon it with great mirth and wonder. Upon being cast from the Garden of Eden for eating the wrong apples, humanity learned to peacefully coexist with the environment and all of its inhabitants. America's European ancestors soon learned that subjugating them was much easier and more beneficial.

The environment achieved considerable recognition in the 1970s, when a crying Indian made Americans reevaluate the way they treated this versatile phenomenon. After careful soul-searching, Americans decided that, in order to save the environment, it might be necessary to give up extreme pollutants such as CFCs and DDT. American ingenuity created new pollutants, with new acronyms that were better suited to cleverly obscure their horrendous effects on the environment, and thus the problem was solved.

Current Status Edit

Today, with George Bush's staunch environmentalism bringing about exciting new acts like the Healthy Forests Initiative (which ensures the health of our nation's arbor, using the time-honored medical technique of amputation), the environment is thriving, fuller than ever with the promise of green and beautiful economic gain. Deregulation has aided the environment to yield all of its resources to industrialists. With God's blessings, industries which were once tyrannically regulated are now free to taste the biogenetically-enhanced fruits of freedom, then drench those fruits in once-illegal pesticides.

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