Emancipation Proclamation

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The Emancipation Proclamation was Abraham Lincoln's declaration abolishing slavery, which most reliable sources will tell you caused most of America's problems. While it goes without saying that most of America's human property black friends were totally against it, a few hoity-toity "blacktellectuals" contacted their slaves in the liberal media — notably, the "New York Moonshiner", a liberal rag if there ever was one — and persuaded them to change all the history books to make it look like slavery had been a bad thing. Today, only a few brave souls like Ann Coulter dare to tell America the truth.[1]

On the plus side, however, the Emacipation Proclamation indirectly led to one of the South's most cherished traditions, the Lynching Party. Yee-haw!

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Emancipation Proclamation
gives aid and comfort to America's enemies. As A True American™,
it is your duty to report Emancipation Proclamation to the authorities.

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