Eliot Spitzer

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Eliot Spitzer
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process
Eliot Spitzer
is a friend an acquaintance of "The Colbert Report"
The Report has no friends...
Eliot Spitzer
is one happenin' Jewish cat!
Shalom, baby!
Eliot Spitzer

Like Teddy Roosevelt before him, he understands the bear threat.

Eliot Spitzer (legal name: Client #9) was the former Governor for the state of New York but now is simply Colbert's bitch. He is well known for his good ol' family values, and for being an unrepentant whore monger. Thawed out of ice a mere decade ago, the neanderthal has learned to live a normally corrupt political life, mostly off of kickbacks from the music industry, despite the physically obvious evidence of his disability as a primitive humanoid.

Brother of Missy, he prefers to be called Sir Eliot. He appeared as a guest on the November 7, 2005 edition of The Colbert Report, where Stephen predicted Spitzer would be elected Governor of the Empire State without even knowing who his opponents would be. That's right, Stephen called it.

But more importantly, he was a judge for The Shred Off between Stephen Colbert and Chris Funk of the hyper-literate indie rock band The Decemberists on the December 20, 2006 edition of The Colbert Report. Spitzer has no bias against shredding or contemporary pop music, and he encouraged both Funk and Colbert to Bring The Noise. He is a member and founder of the Pimpin' Politicians Association. His half brother is Rod Blagojevich.

The SchadenfreudeEdit

Pimp daddy spitz

Pimping aint easy yo!

On March 12, 2008 at 11:30 A.M., Spitzer announced he was resigning from the Governorship, in order to spend more time with his family, effective March 17, 2008 (St. Patrick's Day).

Son Of Schadenfreude?Edit

It seems Mr. Spitzer was investigating Wall Street when he wasn't cheating on his wife, the bastard. Nonetheless, it was a great thing for America's economy and Mrs. Spitzer that Eliot was never able to carry out his dastardly deed against the innocent free market.

February 12, 2008Edit


is a super delegate

  • when Stephen invites people, they automatically become super delegates
  • Stephen is not a super delegate (and he asked Howard Dean personally)
  • Spitzer supports Hillary
    • if Hillary wins, Spitzer would have appointed her replacement
    • bribery is not a good word in politics



Spitzer recites the New York Gubernatorial Oath of Office: "I swear that I will continue to have sex with this woman, and pay less than $4300 each time. So help me God."


Client 9 poster

  • Left a trail of Reese's Pieces for cute alien buddy to follow.
  • Has prosecuted so many industries that there was no one left to contribute to his campaign.
  • Hunts bears in Central Park.
  • was found to be intimately linked to a prostitute named Kristen
  • usually has a prostitute change his clocks during Daylight Savings TimeEpisode #363
  • Spitzer has embroiled the Clinton campaign in a sexual scandal so sordid, it may not recoverEpisode #363
  • While running for Governor, promised to "Bring passion back to Albany" but apparently only brought it to Washington, D.C.
  • He starred in the sci-fi drama in 2009 known as "Client 9".

External TubesEdit

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